Still Here [Fillie]

The Denial

Finn's POV

It's Monday. My mother forced me to go to school today. I sat at the dining table in the kitchen, barely eating my breakfast. My mother sat at the end of the table drinking her coffee and eating her oatmeal. My father sat across from her eating and reading the newspaper. I tried not to look in his direction, the front of the paper had her face on it. My older brother was sitting next to me drinking his orange juice and scrolling through his phone.

"Finn, you better get to the bus stop before it's too late." Dad warned me. I blink once and slowly stood up from the table. I shuffle out of the kitchen and to the front door where my backpack was on the floor. "Bye honey. Have a good day at school." My mother shouts from the kitchen. I don't speak. I haven't spoken a word in days. I only think. 'She's not gone.' That's what I keep telling myself. 'She's not gone.'

I walk out of my house and down the street to my bus stop. It was pretty cloudy and grey out. It was also quite in the neighborhood. I was left alone with my thoughts. The same thoughts that kept telling me Millie was dead. She's not dead, I just saw her last Friday at school and she looked okay, she looked beautiful. That was the last time I'd seen her, the very last. 'She's not dead. She's not dead. She's not dead.' "She's not dead." I began saying it out loud.

I arrive at the bus stop and see Sadie and Caleb already standing there, waiting for the school bus. They both looked pretty sad, I wondered why. I put on a smile and approach them cheerfully. "Hey guys. How was your weekend?" I ask. The couple look up at me and I see tears forming in Sadie's eyes. My smile dropped as she turned away and covered her face. Muffled sobs were heard.

I look up at Caleb with a look of complete confusion. "What's the matter with her? Did you two break up or something?" I question quietly so the emotional red couldn't hear. Caleb furrowed his eyebrows at me. "Weren't you there outside of Millie's house on Friday? We all saw the aftermath of the fire." He explained. I was there, I saw everything. 'I wasn't there, I saw nothing. She's not dead.' "She's not dead." I mumble to myself.

Caleb makes a weird face at me. "What did you say?" He inquired. Crap! I think he heard me. He probably thinks I'm crazy now. I shook my head. "I said I wasn't at Millie's. We were all at my house Friday night, remember?" I replied. The yellow bus drove down the road and Sadie dried her tears. Caleb shook his head and turned away from me. "You're crazy, Wolfhard." Is all he said before the bus stopped in front of us. Those three words triggered a memory of Millie.

-I was on my skateboard. The whole gang couldn't make it outside today because it was the hottest day in the summer. Millie and I were at the park. I was trying to impress her and show off my cool skate tricks I stole from Sadie. Millie seemed to like them as she cheered me on. I saw a small park bench up ahead and thought I could jump over it on my board. I built up speed, pushing off the board and closer to the bench. Once I got closer, I jumped, but I didn't land well. I fell in the grass beside the bench with a groan, my board flying over my head. I hear Millie gasp and run towards me. She kneeled in front of me and checked my body for any damage. Her hands were all over me. I blushed and laughed making her smile and look into my eyes. "You're crazy, Wolfhard." She chuckles in her thick accent.-

"She's not dead." I said to myself once more before walking onto the bus with the others. I sat alone. I noticed Noah and Gaten weren't here today, neither was Millie. Of course Millie wouldn't be here today. "She's not dead. She's not dead. She's not dead." I whisper over and over again to myself as the bus drives away and to Hawkins Middle and High school.

-

It was already lunch time. Everyone looked sad as they ate. I sat with Sadie and Caleb at lunch. The three of us went to the high school, while the other three go to the middle school next door. As the day went on, everything got worse. I kept thinking about Millie and how I would never see her again. I'll never hear her smooth voice again. "She's not dead. She's not dead. She's not dead." I said a little louder. Millie isn't dead.

"Dude, you gotta stop saying that." Caleb sighed as he picked at his salad. Sadie leans her head on his shoulder with a hum. I ignore him and shut my eyes, which was a mistake. All I saw was her. All I heard was her. It's like she was stuck in my head. 'She's dead. Stop lying to yourself.' The voice in my head was telling me. I shook my head. "She's not dead." I said to myself, trying to hold back my anger. 'You've lost her. She's not alive.' I grit my teeth. That voice repeated those same words.

"She's not dead. She's not dead." I said louder. I slammed my fist on the table as my voice got louder and more angry. The voice trying to overpower me. "She's not dead! She's not dead! She's not dead! Millie is not dead!" And just like that, the voice was gone. All I heard was my voice echoing through the now quiet cafeteria. I slowly open my eyes again and look around to see all eyes on me.
I felt embarrassed.

I glance down at my friends and see Caleb with a disappointed look, shaking his head at me. Sadie had her head down. "Mr.Wolfhard! Principal's office, now!" A teacher standing by the doors to the cafe yelled. I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding in and walked out of the cafeteria with my head down. I really am crazy. How will I control myself?

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I've been busy lately, but I wrote this chapter. I hope you liked it.❤️