Still Here [Fillie]

The Question

Finn's POV

After Millie left at eight, I lie on my bed in her sweatshirt. I felt tired even though I've done absolutely nothing today. I felt almost empty, no, completely empty like I have nothing left to live for. I know I shouldn't think like this but I do. I just don't know what to do about it.

There was a knock on my door followed by my mother's voice. "Finn I made lasagna and garlic bread for dinner! Are you coming to eat?" I shut my eyes and curl up more under my covers. "No thanks! I'm not hungry!" I replied before pulling the covers completely over my head. I wanted to cry, but I've been crying all day and I think I've run out of tears.

"Is everything okay in there?" Mom asked with such concern and worry. I roll my eyes with a sigh. "Everything is fine mommy, I'm just tired!" I respond and then try to catch my breath. I feel like I've used all my energy to speak. Now I'm extremely exhausted and I must sleep. I feel myself slowly begin to drift off and then-

"Finn! Finn, I'm here!" She screams as I continue to bang on the camouflage like glass. "I'm coming Millie! Don't worry, I'll save you!" I had shouted back. A few more hits and the glass had shattered. What was on the other side you ask. There was nothing. It was blank like printing paper. Where is she? Did I save her? A woman with light brown hair wearing a big white gown that was almost draped over her body approaches me from a distance while chanting something. "Send the boy back! Send the boy back! Send the boy back!"

My eyes shot open and I quickly removed the covers to cool myself down. I was sweating like crazy and I feel like I've lost my breath every time I have that dream. I still have no idea what it means. I started having the dream less and less when I started bargaining and I've never seen Millie once, I only hear her screaming for me. And who was that woman? Send the boy back? Was she talking about me?

My bedroom door soon creaked open and my mom came in with a plate of lasagna and garlic bread. "I know you said you're not hungry, but you haven't eaten or left your room all day today so I'm just gonna leave this here." She explains while setting it on my nightstand. I nod and she just stood there with a smile. Her eyes go back and forth between me and the food. "Th-thank you?" I say in more of a questioning tone. Mom closes her eyes for a moment and takes a deep breath before opening them and looking down at me.

"You're going to school tomorrow." She blurts out before quickly leaving. I groan and whine before dragging my notebook out from beneath my pillow. I open it up to a nice new page and start today's letter.

Day #130.

I sat there just looking at the empty page, remembering that kiss we shared. I can't believe we kissed. It was... so amazing.

We kissed. I can't believe it. You're a really great kisser Millie Brown. Can I tell you a secret? That was my first kiss. I've always wanted you to be my first kiss and you were. You're lips were cold, but they made me feel warm in some way. It was a little weird that I was half naked, I'm sorry. I liked it when your fingers tangled through my hair. You must have been really enjoying yourself.

"Jesus Christ." I breathe out and put my covers over the lower half of my body. I shut my eyes and try to think of something else. I can't let her see me like this. I always act like I'm being watched by her even when she's not around. I open my eyes and let out a nice calm breath before writing again.

I like it when you're around. It's almost like you're alive again. Sometimes I feel like I'm dreaming of you when you're here. If it is a dream then I never wanna wake up. I feel so lonely without you. I feel lonely right now.

"I feel lonely without you too." Her voice spoke softly and I snap my head up to look right in front of me, almost hovering over me, then quickly slam my notebook shut. "Jesus Christ! You scared me." I began to pant as she laughed and sat up on my lower stomach. "What are you doing here?" I ask after calming down a bit. The brunette crawled up next to me and lies down with her head on my shoulder and arms around my waist. I tense up a little. "I just wanted to come say goodnight before I went to bed. I can't stay for too long though, Noni thinks I'm brushing my teeth. I mean I did brush them, but I just wanted to say hi."

I let out a breath and wrap an arm around the very cold girl. "Did you mean everything that you said earlier?" I ask. Millie was quiet for a moment before she spoke up. "What did I say?" I bite my bottom lip and she tilts her head back to look at me. I don't know why I was so nervous to speak. "Th-that you still love me." I stutter. She shyly smiles before sitting up straight with a nod. "Yeah I really really like you." The girl happily remarks.

I begin to blush and grin. "That's great because..." I couldn't even finish my sentence. My face hurt from all the blood in my cheeks and the smiling. I took a deep breath before continuing. Millie just looks at me with anticipation to finish. "I...really really like you to, millimeter." She giggles and hugs me tightly. I wrap my arms around her as well and kiss her shoulder. She quickly pulls away and looks at me with her twinkling eyes. Her smile soon faded and she looked at me with such passion. I get lost in her eyes and the deeper I go, the more the question tries to escape my mouth.

"Will you be my girlfriend?" I blurt out, regretting it immediately. I heard her lightly gasp beneath her breath and she looks down at her lap. Damn it, she doesn't want to be with me? Who would ever date me? I look away in hurt and embarrassment as tears built up in my eyes. "Finn it's just...I'm dead. How would our relationship work if I'm a spirit and you're alive?" She questions. I shake my head and look back up at her. "I'll have to think about it. I promise to give you my answer tomorrow." She informs me. I nodded and she placed a kiss on my nose.

"Good night dol-finn." She whispers before grabbing her tablet and typing away. I watch her slowly fade away with the wind blowing through her hair. She looks so beautiful. She'll never say yes to being my girlfriend. Like who wants to date someone who just so damaged? I'm so broken and hurt. I began to sob as I think about it more. What is my problem?

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