Still Here [Fillie]

The Dream

⚠️Trigger Warning⚠️ there's a suicide. I will put a little 🙂 where it starts and where it ends so if you wanna skip over it because you think you'll get too offended or triggered then you know where to read and where to not read. Also a little PSA if you are dealing with something or going through some deep s*** then suicide is NOT the answer. This chapter is not encouraging anyone to hurt themselves or to take out there own life, it's all fictional and it's supposed to help with the storyline. If you do ever consider suicide I recommend talking to someone that you trust and someone that you know who will help you and comfort you. Just remember that you are loved and you were put on this planet in this time for a specific and positive reason and that reason may not be happening right now (?), but it will come to you soon in the future. Never give up my beautiful little lilies.❤️❤️

4 Months Later
Finn's POV

I sat at my desk in my quiet empty room, crying to myself as I went over the plan. I have everything ready, all I need to do is take action. I felt like I was missing something on my list. Oh, right, the note. I grab my journal from the bottom drawer and a pen from my pen holder. I haven't written in this book in a little over half a year. I don't even know what to say. I don't know how to explain myself here. I flip it open to a new page and put the pen to paper. How would I even write this.

May 15, 2019
It has been exactly 353 days since my best friend and the love of my life had passed away in accidental house fire. I've been through a lot since she's died and on January 1st I made a promise to myself to just forget about her and to move on. The thing is I could not move on, I miss her with every inch of my soul. She's all I've ever wanted in life.

I sniffle and sat my pen down just to take a few deep breaths. This letter is sort of all over the place and everything is just weird, but I must continue. I must let my friends and family know why I'm choosing to do this.

September 3, 2018. I came home after a very tough day at school. My parents had thrown out every single thing that would remind me of Millie while I was at school. I had retrieved everything, but then something odd and unexpected happened. Millie had came to me. She was a ghost, but she hugged me and for a little while I felt happy.

Then one day, on October 3 of 2018, I was standing at the edge of a cliff above the quarry. I was going to jump, I was going to end it all. My best friend Sadie Sink stopped me and kissed me because she didn't want me to jump. Millie had seen that kiss and when she did, she confronted me that night. She was angry and jealous because she wanted me and she thought that I wanted Sadie. I want Millie more than anything in the world, but after she told me what she saw, she left and never came back.

It hurt me a lot when she died, it hurt even worse when she said I was dead to her and then disappeared forever. I don't think she'll ever come back, so

This was it. My heart was racing at the thought of finishing this sentence, but this is something I must do.

🙂(skip this if you're easily triggered)
I'm going to go up into the after life with the girl I love. I need to see her, to hold her, to tell her how much she means to me. To some people this may seem unexpected and unbelievable. To some I've appeared as happy when I'm around them. It was all an illusion and I'm tried of faking my happiness. I'm tired of smiling when people say I don't look happy. I'm tired of saying 'it's okay, go on' when someone brings up a memory of Millie. I'm tired of hearing these god damn voices in my head telling me things that I don't like to hear. I'd figure the only way to stop it all is to just...kill myself .

Yours Truly,
Finn Wolfhard
December 23,2002 - May 15, 2019

After I had written the three page note, I left the journal open on my desk and sat up. I walk across the floor and out of my room leaving my door to my tidy room open. I go down the hallway and to the bathroom to lock the door and draw a bath. While the water runs, I open the medicine cabinet and lay everything out neatly. The blades were in nice line, but which one would I use? The cuts have to be deep and wide.

I chose the one in the middle, it fit nicely in my hand and it looked really sharp. Once the bath was full, it was time.

🙂(I'm skipping to the part where he already did it so I wouldn't trigger people too much)

I lie in the warm water with my arms below the surface. My eyes were shut as I slowly begin to relax and think of the girl of my dreams.

-"Finn, do you have a crush on anybody at your school?"
"Umm, n-not really Mills."
"What about my school? I know you miss some of the people there."
"... I may like someone there."
"What!? Who!? Do I know her!?"
"Enough questions, Millipede."
"No, please tell me. I promise I won't tell her."
"Millie why are you so interested in who I like?"
"I-..I don't know. You just sort of have this vibe where you don't like anybody, not even as a friend."
"Well, I do have friends, but you're not one of them."
"W-what? Why not, we've been together since kindergarten."
"Millie, you're my best friend and I-... you mean more to me than Caleb, Gaten, Noah, and Sadie combined."
"Oh Finn, you're gonna make me cry. You're my best friend too."
"I love you."
"...I love you too."

My eyes shot open and I gasp for air. The wind was crazy and it looked really foggy. It's freezing cold here. I look down to inspect myself and see blood all over the sleeves of my black jacket. Wait a minute, this all seems familiar. Crazy wind, cold dark place, bloody arms. It's...the dream.

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...*sips hot cocoa* Oi, this sure is something.

How do you think Millie will react when she finds out?👻