A Little Less Pain

18

I guess everyone ended falling asleep around the middle of the movie. I however, was still fully awake. I leaned against the back of the single couch I sat on, my eyes moving across the living to observe the scene.

Mariana was laying on her side on the floor, her hands still gripping the remote and her hair all over her face. I couldn't help but grin at how young she looked.

Lexi and Jesus fell asleep sprawled on the long sofa. Jesus slept on his back and Lexis head was rested on his chest, her arm wrapped around his torso.

I bit my lip and torn my gaze away. I didn't know why I suddenly felt like this. I don't even know what, "this" is to be honest.

I sighed, standing from my couch and walking past the two as quietly as possible, creeping up the stairs and finally being able to collapse onto my bed.

I don't understand what even happened last night, but I knew that Jesus was for sure more upset at me than I've ever seen him.

I guess it was stupid, I was pushing him away but I didn't try to. I just wanted to hide my confusion and sudden yearning to be the one with him, not Lexi.

I rolled over and pulled a plush pink blanket over myself. I curled up on my side and shut my eyes.

This isn't anything. My inner conscious told me, This won't be anything. You know he loves Lexi you naive girl.

I pursed my lips, shaking away my thoughts. I just had to get over this. A little crush, that's all it is. It can't be anything more anyways. If something happened between us I would get sent out the only foster home I wanted to be adopted to.

*

I squinted my eyes and pulled the blanket down from its recent position under my lips.

The sun was shining through the bedroom curtains, displaying light purple lighting across the room.

I sat up completely, getting out of bed as quickly as I could before I decided to jump back into the comforting sanctuary.

I suddenly thought about Callie. I saw her briefly the other day but other than that, her and Brandon have been joined to the hip. If I didn't know Callie better I would think they had something going on, but she would never risk it for Jude and I.

"Hadley?" I looked up and saw Mariana standing in her doorway. Her black mane was in her natural sharp curls, and she was still in her sweat pants and tank top.

"I didn't even realise you came up here last night. You could've gotten me up." She must've thought I felt bad or something, but it was the complete opposite. I pulled a tight smile and nodded, walking past her and into the bathroom.

I didn't want her to come with me last night upstairs, I didn't want anyone to actually. I needed that time alone to sort my thoughts. Even though they still aren't really sorted, at least I know what I have should do.

I considered showering, but decided I would do it tonight instead, so I could take one and not be interrupted by complaints about my timing.

I glanced in the mirror, attempting to untangle the knots that got mixed in my long hair. I rubbed some black mascara that had smudged from under my eye and walked out. I can deal with my appearance when I actually have plans.

I went into the kitchen, and saw a note left from Leena and Stef, saying that they'd be out for the rest of the afternoon doing errands.I set the pink sticky note back down and made a small bowl of Cheerios.

I gripped the bowl and spun around, taking a step and being slammed into an unknowing body.

"Fuck!" They shouted, as the cereal and milk flew all over their body, only a few drops hitting me. I looked up and met Jesus's raging brown eyes.I flushed,

"I'm so-"

"Forget it." He grumbled, walking around the puddle of milk and over to the sink. I gaped at his broad shoulders as he turned on the water and pulled his shirt off.

Oh God.
He kept his tan frame facing away from me, showing his defined muscles that flexed as he pulled soggy pieces of Cheerios from his white tee shirt.

"I'm really sorry.I'll do that." I finally snapped out my daze to talk, standing beside him and going to grab his shirt from his grasp. He yanked it away like my touch burned and shook his head.

"No." He said curtly, and I swallowed hard. I normally would ignore it as one of his mood swings, but I couldn't help but wince at the harshness in his voice that was directed towards me.

When he looked over and realised I was still there he sighed.

"Go. It's fine, okay?" He tried to sound sincere, but his eyes flashed with irritation and annoyance. So I turned and left to clean the puddle of milk from the linoleum tiles.

As I grabbed a blue hand towel out of a drawer across the kitchen, I stole a glance at Jesus through my eyelashes.

As I bent over to sop up the milk, I found my eyes yet again trained on him. I gnawed my bottom lip hard, thinking about how he would rather have Lexi admiring him than me.

I stood up and threw the soaking cloth in the laundry basket in the wash room. I left the kitchen and started for the stairs.

I felt my heart twitch as I left, knowing I could never have him how I want to now. I don't know what I want anymore. I just know that it hurts when I look at him and it hurts when I don't and I'm so confused.