Oscar Glyde Won't Heal Your Pride

5: No One Gave You One No

Chapter 5: No One Gave You One No

[Hallway, Atenamal Regional High, 3:29 PM, The Secret Lair (mwahaha)]

FENDER: "Come with me."

OSCAR: "I mean, I'm going to agree, but it doesn't mean I don't find it a bit rapey."

FENDER: "How did you get voted class speaker, again?" (they walk through the emptying hallways)

OSCAR: "Democracy can't work without a tad of collusion."

FENDER: "Said every hatching dictator ever."

OSCAR: "Why do people keep saying that?"

FENDER: "Uh... Why do people keep saying that?" (holds a door open for Oscar)

OSCAR: "Obscure vague demand. Dark, narrow staircase leading to the unsightly bowels of a creepy high school. This better be a reenactment of Saw or else I'm going to be really disappointed."

FENDER: "Prepare to be disappointed. Walk."

OSCAR: "Which way?"

FENDER: (shoves Oscar into the staircase, they walk down into the underground of the school) "This used to be the arts wing back in the '90s. People haven't really used it for a decade. Besides storage, obviously."

OSCAR: "Mmm. The smell of stale semen."

FENDER: (looking flustered) "And certain mischievous teenage activities. Come."

OSCAR: (unbuckling belt) "I mean, I'm not really in the mood, but if you insist..."

FENDER: "Jeez, what's wrong with you today? Come. Come here. Not - don't cum here, just, follow me."

(Fender leads Oscar into an old classroom, half-lit by bright white LEDs, where three other students are waiting around a sloppy circle of desks)

RANDOM BOY: (deep, Satanic voice) "Take off your clothes, twink, and splay."

OSCAR: "Knew it. I knew it. I knew this had something to do with sex."

FENDER: "Shut up, Raymond. Oscar, welcome to the Academic Council. Gabi and I thought that it was a shame it wasn't obligatory for the Council to meet regularly with structured discussions. This was the only time all of us are free, and the rest of the classrooms are taken up by clubs. So, creepy underground storage chamber it is."

RAYMOND: "I honestly don't think any of us have met properly. Oscar, meet Elsie and Gabi. I'm Raymond, the eleventh grade class speaker."

GABI: "Don't worry, we thought this was a ploy to evoke a nerd orgy, too."

FENDER: "Is it not a nerd orgy? Okay, sit down. Let's start."

ELSIE: "Will this take long? I have softball in two hours."

FENDER: "Jeez, Elsie, you think I want to sit in this place for two hours? Alright, first I want to talk about - "

GABI: "Do you expect us to sit here and discuss academia when you reportedly are the father of three unborn children? I mean come on. When I was in tenth grade I was eating dirt and snorting Elmer's glue."

FENDER: "I - That's. Off topic. Shall we move on?"

RAYMOND: "No, no. I want to hear more about 'Father Fender'. What do your parents think?"