Oscar Glyde Won't Heal Your Pride

38: Night Before White

Chapter 38: Night Before White

[Meeting room, Atenamal Regional High, 1:00 PM, The Thing About Hating Yourself Is...]

DR CHO: "So I heard a lot has happened since the last time we spoke."

OSCAR: "Surprisingly, not that much."

DR CHO: "I heard you got wounded. In a fight."

OSCAR: (looks down at his stomach) "Yeah... I was... I was stabbed. Ronny Diggles. Switchblade. Stomach. Not a good combination. It's mostly pretty much all healed now. Gonna put my family in debt with that hospital bill, though. Should have just... died."

DR CHO: "Now why would you want to have died?"

OSCAR: "Oh, it's purely a circumstantial thing. I wouldn't want to die normally. But I would much have rather died than put my family in this position of paying for my treatment. Do you... do you not know about the current medical climate...?"

DR CHO: "I wouldn't think any fifteen year old should be concerned about putting their family in debt."

OSCAR: "Are you serious, Dr Cho? Do you think teenagers are mindless idiots with one remaining brain cell? I mean, some of us are, don't get me wrong. But you're doing the existential mistake of taking us for unaware children."

DR CHO: "I'm sorry, I should try to be more mindful of the words I use."

OSCAR: "And you should also try..." (Oscar leans forward and unbuttons Dr Cho's top two shirt buttons) "...loosening up a little."

DR CHO: "You think this will help me understand your disposition better?"

OSCAR: "Positive of it."

DR CHO: "You're quite more advanced than the average fifteen-year-old. It's obvious. But - "

OSCAR: "I'm not more advanced." (Dr Cho cocks his head to the side) "Dr Cho, I hardly use big words. And the big words I use are ones I recycle over and over again to try and sound smart, but I'm really not that smart. I... How do I put this. I'm not as articulate as I seem. I can't... can't formulate my thoughts properly. And I'm sure there's more fifteen-year-olds out there who are much better equipped for social situations than I am but fall short in other, less important, areas which I exceed at. What I'm trying to say is... I'm not special. And I think that if you expect me to be, you'll just end up disappointed."

DR CHO: "I see..."

OSCAR: "Do you?"

DR CHO: "I'm trying. You feel as if you aren't worthy of praise. Have you been given lots of praise in your life?"

(Oscar thinks)

OSCAR: "I think so. I've had more good things said about me than bad, by adults, at least. Sometimes adults think I'm overstepping my boundaries, though. And sometimes they just don't get it, and that can hurt a lot. But kids can be cruel. I think kids get it, most of the time, but they fall easily into the Stupid Trap. I think kids have a lot more potential than they take advantage of." (...) "For example, Ronny Diggles. I know he probably didn't have the easiest life. He has good parents, I think, but people also think I have good parents, and I know that my parents fall short in most areas that they can easily not fall short of. Ronny can easily understand what being gay is and that people can't help the colour of their skin, and... I think he does understand. But he's got things to prove. And he has no safe outlet for his anger. And maybe some bad influences and some bad experiences and it all created... him. What he is now. It could have been avoided easily, I think, if he just realized his potential."