Chapter 18: Poisoned Arrow
[Art room, Atenamal Regional High, 8:57 AM, Satan's Deepest Hemorrhoid]
THE ATENAMAL TRIBUNE
No. 132
FENDER THE FAKER? BASKETBALL BLUNDER RAISES NEW QUESTIONS ABOUT STUDENTS INVOLVED IN RAPE MYSTERY
It wasn't just the game that had interesting results last night - new updates regarding the infamous rape mystery gripping this school were shared over loudspeaker. Things came to a standstill in the gym at 8:30 when an announcement floated out across the airwaves - in none other than Emma Hernandez's voice.
What did the popular mother/rape victim have to say to the student body? That Fender Brail - alleged serial rapist and indefinite impregnator - had not raped her. What about those Snapchat text messages, Emma?
As the student body scrambles to identify wrong from right, we must underline what we know: that Fender still walks the hallways of our great school, and that falsification runs in hoards through these halls. There could only be two possibilities for the rape mystery after hearing Emma's testimony: that Emma was being held hostage and forced to testify against her will, or that Fender has been playing the part of a Big Bad Rapist for a whole month to feast upon the rabid distress of the students. That sounds like nothing short of terrorism, to me.
Stay on guard, Atenamal students. If there's one thing we've learned from this mystery thus far, it's to never judge a book by its cover.
OSCAR: (slamming the paper down on the desk) "Codswallop."
BASIL: "Yeah, this author's stretching it."
OSCAR: (outraged) "'Fender the Faker'? Are you serious? It's like these people are having so much fun coming up with alliterating nicknames they're purposely avoiding good journalism!"
BASIL: "Calm down, Oscar. It's just a stupid article."
OSCAR: "An article that's going to be read by the entire student body! Emma goes out of her way to tell everyone the truth and it's still used against Fender." (actively scanning the paper) "Why would they say it's all an act on Fender's part? What good would that do him? And - look - they're really calling him a terrorist?"
ABDUL: "Calling a white boy a terrorist? This author really is on acid."
OSCAR: "They don't even mention Igor once - this newspaper's so contrived it could be Megan Fox's face."
BASIL: "I'm not saying I like the Keebler kid, but these journalists really are making him sound like Satan's deepest hemorrhoid." (...) "No one will care about this. It's too stupid."
OSCAR: "Everyone will care about this. This entire school is stupid."
[Enter Fender]
OSCAR: "Sit on it, sit on it."
BASIL: "On what, the paper?"
OSCAR: "Yeah - come on - "
BASIL: "My legs can't move, Oscar."
OSCAR: "Which is why you should sit on it - Hi."
FENDER: "Hey. Did you do the homework?"
OSCAR: "No. No one did."
FENDER: "Good. I didn't either."
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