Oscar Glyde Won't Heal Your Pride

22: Return of the Indefinite Pronouns

Chapter 22: Return of the Indefinite Pronouns

[Art classroom, Atenamal Regional High, 8:59 AM, Fender Gay!]

THE ATENAMAL TRIBUNE
No. 133

FENDER GAY!

Late one Saturday night not too long ago, infamous Atenamal regular Fender Brail was photographed locking lips with Ronny Diggle's right-hand man, Abdul Trabelsi in the front seats of a car.

The photographer, who would like to go by the name of 'Anybody', was taking a stroll down Cherry Lane when they discovered suspicious action in a car parked on the side of the road.

Lo and behold, Fender Brail, accused serial rapist, potent womanizer and soiled scholar was neck-deep in a riveting make-out session with his lesser-known counterpart, Abdul Trabelsi, one of the below-the-radar bad-boys of Atenamal Regional High.

What does this revelation mean? Does it mean that Fender Brail is in fact, gay? Does it mean he never raped Emma Hernandez and Olivia Sparks in the first place? Does it mean he is, alas, not the father of three children? But the question all of us should be asking as this story progresses is: Does this mean Fender Brail and new recruitment Oscar Glyde are the latest item of Atenamal Regional High?

(Fender storms into the classroom and holds the newspaper up)

FENDER: (angry) "Who did this? Who the fuck wrote this!"

OSCAR: (standing up, mouth full of a muffin) "Dude - "

FENDER: "Whoever wrote this fucking article can go fuck themselves! Fuck you!" (voice cracking) "Fuck everyone!"

OSCAR: (pushes Fender out of the classroom and down the hallway) "Let's get out of here, man."

[Boys' bathroom, Atenamal Regional High, 9:01 AM, The Invite]

FENDER: (kicking the trash can) "What the fuck!"

OSCAR: "Calm down!" (trying to grab Fender as Fender thrashes around) "Dude - stop - oh my God - Fender!"

(Oscar pins Fender against the bathroom wall and holds his arms above his head)

OSCAR: (confident, hard voice) "What did the article say?"

FENDER: (clearly having some sort of panic attack) "I don't want to - "

OSCAR: "What did it say, Fender? I didn't read it this morning. Was it something about Emma again?"

FENDER: "The Indefinite Pronouns, they..."

OSCAR: (backs off of Fender after realizing he's starting to calm down) "They're back? What did they say?"

FENDER: "Now they're saying I'm gay and that I made out with fucking Abdul Trabelsi! Abdul!"

OSCAR: (stunned) "Why would they say that?"

FENDER: "They took a fucking picture of us!"

OSCAR: (still stunned and having trouble keeping up) "Of you.... So.... You did make out with him?"

FENDER: "No! God, no! It was when we went to go stalk Igor's house that one night. You were there but you were in the back seat. They took a picture of me and Abdul in the front seat and made it look like we were kissing."