Oscar Glyde Won't Heal Your Pride

41: Will It Ever End?

Chapter 41: Will It Ever End?

[Mr Goering's office, Atenamal Regional High, 12:19 PM]

(Oscar walks in, arms swinging at his sides)

OSCAR: "Isn't sex the most exquisite thing?"

MR GOERING: (closing a folder) "Oh no."

OSCAR: "I just love love. Love of all kinds. Upside-down love, sideways love, missionary love... I haven't tried two-thirds of those things but I'm sure they're just bewitching."

MR GOERING: (putting his face in his hands) "I hate my job sometimes." (resurfaces) "Is there something... particular... you want to tell me, Oscar?"

OSCAR: "Only that sex... can be magical when it's with the right person."

MR GOERING: "Yeah, thanks, Robert Frost. Tell me why you're suddenly so infatuated with sex."

(Oscar smiles at Goering)

MR GOERING: "Don't make me make assumptions."

OSCAR: "There's something about sex on a forest floor that just tickles the - "

MR GOERING: (in pain) "You lost your virginity to Fender over the weekend."

OSCAR: "Oh, no. That happened a long time ago. That happened two months ago." 

(Goering stares at him)

MR GOERING: "So you've been... uh... having a healthy sexual relationship since March?"

OSCAR: (gushing) "So healthy."

MR GOERING: "But you're being safe?"

OSCAR: (opens his mouth, closes it; he suddenly thinks) "I think so?"

MR GOERING: "Even gay sex needs protection, Oscar."

OSCAR: "Yes! Yes. Well, no."

(Mr Goering gives him a look)

OSCAR: "He used a condom the first time. And the second time. But when we just... um... did things..." (suddenly regrets starting this conversation)

MR GOERING: "To be honest, I don't exactly know all the logistics of proper gay sex. Let's do some research."

OSCAR: (mortified) "What! No - "

MR GOERING: (talking into his MacBook) "Siri, my horny student is having sex with a boy and wants to know if you need to wear a condom when you give a blowjob." 

OSCAR: (done with Goering) "I hate you."

MR GOERING: (closing his laptop) "So what'd you do on the weekend to merit this little invasion of my pure headspace?"

OSCAR: "What didn't I do, that's the question."

MR GOERING: (rolls his eyes) "Just answer the question, Oscar."

OSCAR: "I didn't not suck Fender's dick, that's what I didn't do."

MR GOERING: "I - "

OSCAR: "Did you know cum actually doesn't taste bad? At least, Fender's doesn't. I kind of enjoyed it. A lot."

MR GOERING: (begging) "Spare me the livid details, Oscar. All I want to know is if you did anything dangerous."