Three Idiots and a Ghost

When an idiot was utterly clueless and another idiot lost his manhood

A single text: Sorry, guys...

...I don't think I can make it...

...Nine days.

"Guys?" Rags said to herself next morning. "Who could these guys be?"

"Something about your dream?" Skyler asked, walking into the living room. He'd decided that after last night, he'd really try to help the ghost out from now on.

Rags nodded. "I had sent a text to a group of friends, it seems. I told them I was sorry I couldn't make it somewhere."

Archer entered the room too. "It'd be convenient if we could just check every single person's phone out there, but that's not exactly possible. I can tell you I never got a text like that before at least."

"Me neither," Skyler added.

"I'm pretty sure Coops never did too—"

In that moment, the sound of Cooper's scream rang all throughout the apartment. Everyone rushed to his room, Archer yanking the door open. The sight of an anxious friend hugging his rainbow pillow whilst rocking back and forth on his bed awaited them. His bed hair was particularly messier than usual, a result of all the tossing and turning he went through the previous night, which only added to his crazy appearance.

"Coops, what's the matter, bud? You can talk to us," Archer said, cautiously approaching him.

Cooper turned to his worried friends, showing them his restless green eyes. In a shaky voice, he said, "I-It started out with a kiss... How did it end up like this?!"

Archer sighed, realizing this probably wasn't as serious of an issue as he first assumed. "It was only a kiss?"

"It was only a kiss..."

Rags cut in, "Come on, guys. No one's going to get that song reference."

Cooper plopped down on his bed, staring up at the blank ceiling. "Now I'm falling asleep—"

"You can stop there!" Rags called out.

Cooper jolted back up with even more anxiety than before. "Holy Kitty Mary. She knows I'm a virgin!"

"Alright, slow down there, bud. Let's take a step back and try to piece this together. Okay?" Archer suggested, sitting next to his jittery friend. He couldn't help thinking that no matter how many times he saw Cooper's rainbow bed, he could never get over the fact that it was pretty gay even for his standard.

Cooper took a deep breath. "Okay. Yesterday, Margaret got her braces taken out. She looked totally hotter without them."

"You're walking into dangerous territory there, Coops," Skyler pointed out, reminding everyone about the underaged situation.

"Hey, I didn't do shit to her! She was the one who violated me!"

"Violated?" Archer repeated.

"I-I don't know. She said there was something she'd been wanting to do after she got her braces off and just kissed me out of the blue! Then that got me thinking. Recently, Margaret's been going out of her way to help me at work like all the time. And she always says hi to me first when she arrives and follows me around whenever possible. Like, I don't understand..." Cooper paused, looking down at his sweaty balled-up hands. "Is this some form of harassment? Because if it is, it sure is working!"

The room fell silent.

"Uh, Coops...?" the other three people in the room said simultaneously. Then, Archer added, "You really don't know what's going on here?"

Cooper frantically shook his head. "Not at all! And now I'm too scared to see her at work today because she might harass me again. It's not like I can do anything about it either. I-I kind of like being harassed by her—Mother of a feline! Am I a masochist? Hell, I probably am! What am I going to do now? I can't go to work like this!" In the midst of his crying, a lightbulb poked its way out of Cooper's colorful noggin. "Rags, you have to help me with this!"

The ghost pointed to herself in confusion. "Me?"

"I mean, you're a girl!"

"Yeah, thank you for finally acknowledging that."

"So like, you'll understand other girls better than I ever will. Please, you're the only one who can help me. Besides Arch, you're the most feminine person I know."

Archer frowned. "I am not that feminine."

Cooper turned to him. "I found your nail polish stash the other day, and you read nothing but chick lit and Cosmopolitan."

Archer opened his mouth to defend himself but quickly closed it after finding nothing he could say to refute Cooper's claims. He was right. Archer made a mental note to move his secret pedicure kit to another location.

"Okay, let's stop destroying Arch's already small manhood," Rags said.

"Wait, so you did see it in the shower?!" Archer cried in shock. "You said you didn't!"

"No, Arch. I'm not talking about that kind of manhood. Anyways, exactly how do you want me to help you, Coops?"

"It's simple. You need to possess me again, Rags!"