Crazy Affair

Kill You

"I didn't kill her," I squeaked out.

Matthew looked calm but I knew better than to think he was calm while we talked about his dead sister that my dad killed. For obvious reasons, of course.

"No, but you sat in your golden chair with a silver spoon up your ass while your dad shot her execution style." he took another swig of the bourbon and watched m, it was more along the lines of watching through me and seeing all the bad things I did. Seeing all the innocent lives I had to sacrifice in order to kill the one bad guy, all the lies I had told and all the people I had broken.

The air around us got thick with tension and I found myself thinking of that day when my father called me in his office five years ago. He said he wanted to talk about my time at assassination University and I was more than excited to tell him all the things I learned to do back in the academy. Unknowingly, I walked into his office with a big smile that soon dropped when I saw Matthew's sister, Queen, kneeled down on the floor all bloodied and bruised. 

"Thinking of her aren't you? Thinking of what you could have done to change that day," Matthew threw the bourbon bottle to the ground making tiny pieces of glass surround us with alcohol surrounding  it, "Let me help you, nothing could have stopped your father from killing Queen and you couldn't have done anything to save her without killing yourself."

Matthew stepped forward on the broken bottle, cracking and crushing sounds echoed throughout the room as he walked. With each step that Matthew took, I wanted to pull the trigger and end him right there but something held me back. Matthew had the gun directly on his forehead when he stopped walking and he watched me directly in the eyes.

"I gave a sad girl a gun and she shot herself, I gave an angry girl a gun and she shot at me, I gave a confused girl a gun and she stood there with the gun pointed but did nothing." He coaxed out.

My lips trembled as my eyes filled with tears, "Is this what you wanted, to see me break. Wanted me to suffer as you did? You took the life of an innocent, you killed someone who had no part in what was going on between us," Matthew moved with lightning speed, grabbing my wrist and pointed it up in the direction of the ceiling. Surprised, I pulled the trigger and dust fell around me from the ceiling.

"He was a teenager, barely experienced the world." My legs couldn't hold me up anymore, my eyes couldn't stop the silent tears from coming down my face in a straight flow. I dropped the gun to the ground and Matthew caught me just in time before I met the ground and fall into the glass that surrounded us. 

"You broke me, you won," I muttered quietly. 

"I didn't mean to break you," Matthew growled very aggressively, it might have been the most upset I ever saw him, "At first I did, I wanted to break you and kill you and make you feel the pain I once felt but when I saw you in that ballroom with joy in your eyes and a smile on your face, I couldn't bring myself to do what I was told to do,"

"I was supposed to drug you and then kill you that night, Florde was supposed to be the only hostage but I couldn't kill you. I convinced my boss to hold you hostage to get Ryan out of his temple and I kept you but I couldn't keep you safe." I felt something wet land on my forearm and I had to pull back to confirm what I was feeling.

Matthew stood in front of me crying, it was surprising to see Matthew cry. I stopped relying on Matthew to hold me up and stood on my own two feet again.

"I tried for years to hate you, but it hurts and pains to hate someone that you love." His words freeze me.

Love.

Matthew and I had a good time when we were together but I never thought it could be love, it never felt like love. It felt like joy and happiness but not love. I couldn't remember a change in Matthew's attitude when we were together that would tell me he loved me. I opened my mouth to deny his feelings and tell him he's wrong but he beat me to it.