TREPIDATION

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

When you woke up the next morning your eyes were stinging and your cheeks, tear stained. You were still in shock. You couldn't believe what had happened the night before. You reached over and picked up your phone off of the bedside table. You looked at your phone, your lock screen was filled with texts and twitter notifications and missed calls and voicemails, all of which were filled with "sorry"'s and "I'm always here"'s. No matter how much someone said sorry it would never replace what the events of the night before.

Michael was gone. He didn't move off of the track, despite your pleading and crying, and the train hit him, killing him instantly. Just thinking about it made you feel sick.

Michael meant the world to you, he was your soul mate, your world, your everything, your love, your life. But he was gone.

Your thoughts became consumed with all the good memories you and Michael had shared. In fact your thoughts were so consumed you didn't even realise you were crying again.

You felt your phone vibrate in your hand. You looked down to see that Luke was calling you. Pulling yourself together and wiping away your tears you answered. "(Y/N)?" he said immediately. "Luke.." You squeaked. "Oh (y/n), I'm so sorry, are you okay? Wait no that's a stupid question if course you're not.." He trailed off, you sniffed as your felt yourself crying again. "I got a room at the same hotel as you last night so I could be near you in case you needed me, do you want me to come down now?" Luke asked. You nodded before realising Luke couldn't see you, "Yes, if you don't mind?" You said, your voice croaky from all the crying. "Of course not, I'll be there soon." Luke replied before hanging up the phone.

About 5 minutes later there was a knock at your door, you slowly got up out of your bed. Your body was weak and you were still in the clothes from the night before. You walked over to the door and opened it slightly to check if it was Luke, it was. You let him in before walking back over and perching on the edge of your bed. "Oh (y/n)," Luke said as he walked over to you. He wrapped his arms around you and pulled your face into his chest making you cry again. "It's all my fault" you said, your voice muted slightly because your face was pressed against Luke's chest. "Shhh, no it's not, it's not anyone's fault, he felt trapped, he didn't know what to do (y/n)." You pulled yourself away from Luke looking up at him, "if I never kissed Harry, there would never be an article about it for Michael to see and he would probably still be alive right now." You sighed. "Please don't blame yourself." Luke said sitting down next to you. "I just feel lost without him Luke, he was everything to me." "I know, he knew that too, I don't know what he was thinking when he stepped foot on that track, but he definitely wasn't thinking straight that's for sure." Luke said tugging at the sleeves of his sweater. You sighed flopping back onto the bed so you were looking at the ceiling. "I'm here for you (y/n)," Luke said reflecting your actions just seconds later. "24 hours a day, 7 days a week, from now till whenever you need me. I know how you're feeling, I lost my best friend, you lost your boyfriend, we both have parts of us missing now." You turned your head to face Luke who was staring straight at the ceiling. "He's up there," he said pointing upwards, "and all he wants is for you to be happy." Luke said. You smiled and looked back up at the ceiling. Luke was right, although it didn't always seem like it, Michael was always your happiness and that would never change.