Yes, up again at 3 something in the morning, not being able to sleep. Too many things on my mind. Too many women my heart lies inside. Too many people my body resides. Too many times I've missed my chance. Too many hours that passed. Too many times I risked what I had. But now it's over. The pain of it all. Forgetting everything that I ever thought was love. Forgiving everyone that did me wrong. Finishing up my last little note. Moving away to forget everyone, cause no one seems to understand my pain. I don't care to express myself to anyone. I'm here to help everyone. But it's time i leave everyone I love to not hurt them when I'm finally gone. I just wanna find my reason to smile. I wanna find the reason for me to be alive. I wanna find my happy ending.
K, I would give everything I had to relive the past just to talk to you again. I feel like a bother to even message you how you're doing anymore cause I got left on read or that I may upset you or say something to upset you. I know you found someone else but I just hope he don't hurt you like the others, like I did. I never wanted that. I never thought for one second we'd fall off and never talk again. You were and still are my favorite person to talk to. It hurts more and more not getting a selfie of you, or a text, or even your name on my phone. Like I feel that you (not necessarily don't care) but just don't even want to bother to talk to me. I know you're busy, I'm busy too. I have worked everyday the last 2 weeks besides like one day, and I still for some reason wait for the moment when your name pops up to even send a "hey". I know you respect your new man so you don't go messaging everyone, but this shit fucking hurts. Like we literally visited and hung out 4 times and 2/4 was with your ex being there. I couldn't breathe being around him, something inside of me was hurting that he was with you and not me, and that I had to stand beside him watching him take you with him. And then after seeing you and taking you and your friend out for fun and dinner the couple times and trying my best to see you smile, I got removed from talking to you or even ever getting to see you. I plan on leaving where I live shortly and moving, idk if you care or wonder anymore. I'll probably never see you again it seems with how we're living and only writing to each other anonymously on here. The time it takes for either of us to write these we literally could be texting the same things to each other. The feeling of love I've been told just doesn't disappear, so I guess what we had wasn't love but what we imagined life being with one person who'd never leave. And now it seems we're farther away now than we were 5 years ago before I ever sent that message. It sucks, cause I was hyped to finally be with you. Told my friend Dylan, my cousin, and talked for hours with your bestfriend about it. Now I just gotta live with it and move on. See we been friends forever, and every time me and my last don't last I'm texting you to feel better. Now I wonder if you see us together? Cause we been thru a hailstorm and I feel like me and you could whether this weather.
But I don't wanna leave.
I don't wanna say good bye
I don't want there to be a last time
Don't want no sincere apologies.
I only want..you.
