My mistake

Bradley

This story dates way back, two years to date. November 15, 2016. This was the day that will continue to haunt me for a long time, maybe the rest of my life. I'm not going to go into many details as to what happened due to the respect I have for the other family. Bradley wasn't someone I knew very well, but I knew his brother Lucas.  I was heading to work in my old '85 dodge that I had just recently built and put together. Thing was beautiful. My most valuable possession. But at 10:45 on this night I occurred to have something pop up in front of me on my way to work. Not knowing what it was I assumed it was a deer because I live in the south and they're common. I tried swerving to the other lane and the thing jumped in front of my truck still, loosening some wires from my battery or something to shut my truck off going 40 down the opposite lane with traffic. Luckily I dodged them. But I didn't dodge him. It wasn't my fault. I know this. But this isn't something you'd ever want to be placed in. The cops show up shortly later and asked me what happened and I told them "I think I hit something" and point towards where it happened. They couldn't find the body but the second I walked over there I could see it clear as day. My whole body was shaking. I glance behind me and stumble over to my truck. Panicking, heavy breathing, tears streaming down my face at the thought of what just happened. My truck was totally messed up and so was the other side of the accident. I didn't know how to handle it. I still don't know how to handle it. It's hard to go to sleep. It's hard to drive anymore. It's hard to do anything. I was stuck outside in the cold for over 2 hours with questioning from multiple cops asking what happened and this whole time not being able to get ahold of any family. Not even my own step mom that I lived with. I had to call my friend to drive over their to get them to come to me.

I went to the guys funeral, every single person in that building was staring at me. From top to bottom like I was a murderer or a killer or something. I'll never forget that. Everyone knows about it and knows I did it, not intentionally. Maybe that's why no one wants to be around me. Maybe no matter how nice or what I do for anyone they won't want to stay in my life because they know I've assisted in someone ending their life. When I had no choice in it. I just want everything to end. I don't want to be reminded of it but everyone occasionally brings it up, memories bring it up, my own mind brings it up. It's awful. Not knowing who I am, or me leaving out a lot of the details may not seem to make it a bad thing but it had to of been the worst thing to ever happen to anyone in that area. And I'm the nicest dude in the world. I don't understand why all these bad things happen to those with good hearts and good intentions. I just want the pain to go away.