I understand I'm not going to ever be an easy person to love, but so many people love me. I guess it's because of my personality or me putting everyone else in front of me, but I'm tired of every night feeling alone because the people I talk to don't make me feel different about my self.
I want to feel the love my parents never showed me because they split right after I was born. I want to have the love where I don't have to second guess everyday if they still love me just as much as the day before. I want my own family to show my kids things my parents never taught me, as well as the few things my father taught me. I want to build with that someone who struggles just as much as anyone else. I want to see us grow as a couple but build together at the same time. I want to experience the love that makes people feel happiness and like the world rotates around just them. I don't want anymore of the just friends bullshit because I know that I, myself, am a damn good man and would do anything to make sure my girl ends up being the woman she always wanted to be. I want to see our success together and celebrate the small victories just as much as the big ones. I want to get rid of the bad habits I continuously do because I don't know what else to do to pass the time. I don't want the feeling of feeling alone. An ocean full of fish but all I see are sharks. I don't know honestly what I do to make people only be a friend, they say they don't want to ruin the friendship but damn it pisses me off when that wasn't my intentional goal with someone. If I wanted to just be fucking friends I would've told you in the first place. I get attached too easily to people but I know what I want when I look for someone. I should just realize by now that everyone just plays with your mind and heart in this generation because that's what they do when they can't get the one they want. Like yeah I hear "the one will come to you when you least expect it" or whatever other phrase people say but what's the point in trying for someone if they don't give you a single moment of their day to get to know you. I still would be there for you as a friend if we never worked out. It's how my personality is. I'm tired. Not just physically but mentally because I feel like all I'm going to do in my life will be thrown away and worthless if I can't continue on what I've been trying to do for so long. I just feel like I wasted so much for nothing.
Please god give me the love I deserve. Good guys don't always deserve to finish last.
