HIM

Chapter 37

James

Sitting in Dr. Rogers office again, I stared off into the corner of the wall. I had too many thoughts running in my head.

"James?" I heard Dr. Rogers say as he also turned to look at what I was looking at in the corner.

"Uh? Sorry I was thinking about a deal from earlier. What did you say?" I asked focusing my eyes onto him

He titled his head to look at me before writing something down on his notepad. "I asked if you had an opportunity to talk to Chloe about your diagnosis"

"No, it seems like we both have been busy." I said knowing it was lie

"I see. You don't have to tell her that right away." He said knowing there was something heavy on my mind

"Can I be honest"

"Of course"

"I'm nervous about her knowing" I said

"Why? What makes you nervous to tell her"

"Because .." I said looking off into nowhere

"James, there are other people who are in committed relationships and one partner struggles from a mental health concern"

"It's that many people out there uh?" I said asking an irrelevant question

"I can really tell you are nervous about this. You keep deflecting questions or even my last statement"

I chuckled knowing how much Dr. Rogers would hated that and can see right through me.

"I lied about my diagnosis" I said after not saying anything for a minute

"How did you lie?"

"I knew Chloe would ask my house keeper personal questions about me as it's obvious she is in my home a lot and Sonya took a liking to Chloe quickly. So before Chloe even asked the question, I told Sonya not to give her anything information"

"I see. So what made you lie about it?"

"I just did not want her to know. Chloe is different. She doesn't really know what or how much money I make nor do I really think she cares. It's refreshing to be with her. She reminds me of my ex girlfriend"

"You're talking about Blake?"

"Yes. I miss her a lot when she first took her life and I didn't know how much I loved her until she died. It bothers me that my sister Amber thinks I didn't care or loved Blake like how she loved me."

"This is the first time you've openly talked about Blake." Dr. Rogers said looking at me

"I know"

"Does being with Chloe reminds you of Blake?" He asked

"Yes. I want to separate the two but I can't. That's why I protect Chloe like that. I don't want to lose her like how I lost Blake." I said as I held my head down

It was not until I saw Dr Rogers gave me a box of tissue, I felt the warm tears running down my face and onto my hand.

"James it's normal to mourn the death of a love one. You can let it out."

"It just frustrates me that I still care about Blake and no one believes me" I said just as I felt a headache coming on

"I believe you" Dr Rogers said

"Thanks"

"You're talking about a lot of things that's bothering you. From your relationship with Chloe, to your mental health, to your relationship with your sister, and your relationship with Blake."