Four || When I Close My Eyes

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            "I'll call as soon as I get to Craig's. Goodnight, Ave, love you!" My best friend said with a quick side hug and small smile. Breaking out of her familiar embrace, I watched her scurry down the stone path leading out to the driveway with an excited bounce in every step. I strengthened my grip on the corners of the throw draped across my shoulders, struggling to keep the smile on my face until Isabelle climbed into her black convertible. The forced smile faltered the second her car became one with the night and no more than a sound in the distance.

I shifted on my feet for a moment, ready to turn around and head back into the house when the clearing of Colton's throat startled me out of my tired daze.

He stood in the door frame, his left palm flat against the door, the right was in a gesture for me to move passed him and into the warmth of the house. Rather than falling into the awaiting trap I knew would be on the other side of the door, I waved him off and sat on the edge of the old porch swing. I brushed the tip of my index finger against the tear in one of the moss green cushions, hoping Colton would take the hint and leave me in peace.

Of course, I wouldn't get so lucky.

"You okay?" he questioned.

I avoided his eyes. "I'm fine, Colton."

"Then why'd you lie about the party?"

I thought about walking away from the conversation, and Colton, but knew without any doubt I'd have to face them both sooner or later. With him living in the house, he was around every corner, and with him, his curiosity and nosiness.

"Isabelle wanted to go to the party." It wasn't a lie. "The last thing I wanted to do was make her feel worse about having to spend the summer doing absolutely nothing with her dad by telling her I went."

Satisfied with my answer, he crossed his arms and dropped his gaze to the faded welcome mat under his bare feet. In fear he may try to redirect the subject back to me, I forced the topic of conversation back on him.

"How's your mom doing?" I asked.

I watched in silence as he shifted uncomfortably and touched his hand to his messy dark hair, shrugging a shoulder. "Okay, I guess."

He stepped further out on to the porch with a wry smile, trying to catch my eye. When I avoided looking at him directly, he finally took the hint and yawned, stretching his arms behind his head. He moved back into the house, patting the door without looking back.

"See you in the morning." he muttered.

I clenched my hand into a fist until I felt my nails begin to dig into my palm. It was the only thing I could do to stop the guilt of being so cold to someone that was only trying to offer me their comfort. When I finally dropped my hand limply at my side, I decided it'd be better if I laid back on the swing for a little while then sit and stare into nothing.

I fell back, my head shaking as I looked out over the quiet street. It had always been a surprise how silent the night was. All day children could be heard laughing and shouting, birds chirping happily in trees joining in on the joyous feeling. But the moment the streetlamps flickered on and all kids were tucked in bed, an eerie feeling hung heavy in the night.

The last few months I'd found it hard to close my eyes without seeing his blue eyes piercing through me, let alone get any more than an hour or two of sleep, and that was on my good nights. I'd become friends with the night and darkness, and what lurked in it.

I hugged my arms around myself, breathing out a sigh as I allowed my eyes to flutter shut.

*

I was stirred awake by a slight shift beneath me. I jerked away, crying out as I tried to break out of the tight grasp holding me in place.

"Hey, hey, Ave," Landon tripped over his own feet and nearly dropped me as he spoke, "calm down, it was just a nightmare. It's just me."

"Can you please put me down?" I whispered.

Landon hesitated for a moment before setting me down at the foot of my bed. He eyed me worriedly for a second and I didn't have to ask to know what he was contemplating on asking me. I'd lost so much weight in the last two months that I'd dropped almost three pants sizes. Landon had noticed, of course, but carrying me must have finally confirmed his suspicions. I'd wanted to explain to him on countless occasions that it wasn't that I didn't want to eat, it was that I couldn't keep anything down. Anything I managed to get down my throat, raw and hoarse from hours of shouting and crying into my pillow, would come back up involuntarily. Water was one of the few things that I could manage to keep down for an extended period.

"Aren't you going to change?" Landon's questioned, shifting his body so he was facing the door. He scratched at his neck with an uncomfortable expression, eyes everywhere but me standing at the foot of my bed in front of him.

"Maybe once you leave the room I will." I answered jokingly. The strained playfulness in my voice hung awkwardly in the air between us.

He chuckled softly. The sound was so out of character for my brother that I had to do a double take as he crossed the room and ruffled my hair. "Goodnight, Ave."

I whispered something close to the same thing under my breath as he backed away, then turned his back to me completely. Just as I started to relax, he paused in the hall outside my door and glanced back over his shoulder.

"Please don't make a habit of falling asleep outside." he said. "When the cold comes, I don't want to find you encased in a block of ice. Night, Ave, love you."

I nodded, unable to say anything coherent as I watched him closing the door in slow-motion. It was as if he was prompting me to say something, anything, about what was going on with me. I craned my neck to peek out the small gap looking into the hall, listening until his retreating footsteps faded. I turned around, my eyes roaming my perfectly made bed for a while, my thoughts a dull void in my head for the first time in months. The tranquility didn't last long; my thoughts came rushing back with a vengeance a few minutes later.

Touching my fingertip along my throw pillow, I clenched my hand into a fist and started toward my bedroom window. I unlocked the hinge and pushed it open, grasping the sill as I took in a breath of fresh air. I climbed out the small gap, shot one last look at my bedroom door, then crawled out on to the roof and into the cold night. 


***AN***

*Unedited*

Hope you guys enjoyed! Sorry for the late update and short chapter, next should be a lot longer!

Let me know what you guys thought/think!

Let me know what you guys thought/think!

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