{Seventeen} I Can't Make You Love Me

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I ran my sweaty palm along the seam of my jeans, curling my fingertips once they brushed against my knee.

Landon was in the midst of a long conversation about finding another part time job so he could finally get us out of this hellhole. He was also making it clear that, despite the hundreds of applications he sent out, he kept coming up empty handed.

"I've still got the job at Chris'." Colton mentioned through a mouthful of pancakes. "I've been there a while, maybe I could ask for a raise."

Colton had picked up a job at the old mechanic shop a few blocks away late his sophomore year. He'd always been pretty friendly and had a decent rapport with the owner, Chris O' Dowd, but getting his license a couple months after his sixteenth birthday had finally given the middle aged man an opportunity to hire him.

"I'll start looking again." I shook myself from my thoughts. "You shouldn't have to be doing everything, Lan. You already have enough on your plate with school and the job you already have."

"Don't worry about it, Ave." Landon ruffled my hair as he set a plate of fresh pancakes and a bowl of fruit on the place mat in front of me. "And you'll be fine. You're beautiful and crazy intelligent, you'll get one without much of a problem."

I laughed passively, picking at the edges of my pancake.

As a child, it had been a chore to get me to eat anything for breakfast besides Landon's chocolate chip pancakes. Our grandmother had taught him the recipe before she died, and he'd been making them on his own ever since. Staring at them now, pieces flaking off in my hand, I wanted nothing more than to devour them as I had for years. But all I could do was stare blankly at them, vile rising in my throat at the thought of trying to force them down.

I jumped in my chair, slamming my knee against the hard wood when Landon's phone broke through the comfortable silence in the room. He shot me a worried look before excusing himself and making his way down the hall to talk.

I turned my head, refocusing my attention to my breakfast so I wouldn't have to face Colton.

Landon hurried back into the room and slipped into his jacket, kissing the top of my head. "I'm sorry guys, Devan couldn't make it in. Gotta go cover for him. I'll see you guys later."

He was gone before I got the chance to beg him to stay. I didn't want to be alone with Colton, not when I knew the elephant in the room was bound to be brought up at any second.

I broke the silence before Colton could. "I'm sorry for last night. You didn't deserve to be treated that way. I know you were only trying to look out for me. Thank you."

Colton nodded slowly, but didn't say a word.

Somehow, the fact that he wasn't saying anything was almost as antagonizing as the anticipation of knowing it was coming.

"How long?" He eventually questioned.

I sighed, burying my face in my hands.

"I can't do this, Colton. Please just leave it alone." I mumbled.

"How long, Avery?" He repeated.

I caved. "Beginning of summer."

His head whipped up in surprise, as if the response was far from what he'd been expecting.

"At the beach party then?"

I felt as every ounce of air had been sucked from my lungs. I couldn't move, my heart almost felt as if it had stopped beating for a fraction of a second.

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