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Photo #4

18 June 2018

As I entered, the gallery was almost deserted. Apart from rare loners and a few visitors that came in pairs, my framed photographs dotted the white walls in a lonely state. Some of them nodded at me as they probably recognized me from the articles.

Strolling around the exhibition, I took my sweet time to reminisce how each photographs came by. Most of my collection consisted shots from before my "down phase", as I liked to call it. It sounded better than "depression". My blood, sweat and tears. Since the night I met Jeongyeon, I decided I didn't want to waste my days away being a failure anymore. That was the same night I booted up my laptop and start editing all my photos.

My feet slowed to a halt. I found myself wandered into a section that held my most endearing memories. Those kind of memories that had been tucked away in the deepest nook of my brain, my psychiatrist told me not to revisit them too often. I had been avoiding this section of the exhibition today as I couldn't trust myself. I knew Yeri would set up this section because the folder was among the bundle that I gave to Yeri after endless debate in my head. I felt like it was too personal to exhibit the photos. They were only for my eyes to see, my mind to recollect. They were Mina's. But another stupid part of me imagined Mina would visit the exhibition. I wanted her to see this section was dedicated solely to her.

I stood in the middle of the section, letting my mind ran free. Around the walls hung photos featuring a lot of things that completed the puzzle to show the most beautiful girl I had ever seen in my life. Her sparkling almond shaped brown eyes. Her long windswept dark hair. Her full lips tinted in a light shade of pink gloss. Her pale delicate hands wearing a leather strapped watch that I bought for her at our one year anniversary.

Mina, my Mina.

All the photos in this section reminded me of her. Each conveyed the happiness we shared together. Like the shot of the stacked books and her glasses. Mina being a studious student, would camp in the library to study and ignored me for hours. The shot of the sunset from above Achasan. It was the most wonderful day of my life because Mina told me she loved me for the first time. The shot of a flower bouquet. I gave her that to decorate our living room when we moved into an apartment together after graduation.

My eyes scanned around the section. My heart ached. There were no tears, but I was crying inside. These were the moments I could never go back to, but how I would kill to turn back time. Truth is, I missed Mina so much. Every single day. The reporter from this evening, Eunwoo, was right. I had a girlfriend.

Oh how I wished I still had her.

###

3 April 2011

I tapped on my foot nervously, the sound echoing across the deserted corridor. I had no classes so I took this chance to visit the Faculty of Law, a foreign place that I had never set foot until today. Images of the mysterious girl had been imprinted on my mind since the student concert. I thought it was a temporary phase that I could just forget it as quickly as how I realize I just couldn't. But recently, I found my mind wondering how I would meet her, what is she doing right now, what will she think of me, et cetera. Moments of wonder grew into obsession. One day I just told myself "fuck it, I'm gonna do this" and ta-da, here we are.

Stupid Chaeyoung. If you really do see her, then what? What are you going to do?

I honestly don't know.