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Photo #31

"It's okay to leave them, even if you love them. Your heart seems like it will never stop hurting, pining after them as if they were are the only one you see. But deep down inside, you acknowledge that they are toxic, that you secretly hope to let go of your complicated love story. You'll recognize that though love is powerful, choosing to leave could empower you to free yourself from their confines, to rediscover a love that doesn't hurt."

Excerpt from "It's Okay to Leave Them",
by Kelly Douglas.

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P/S: On the same day when Sana broke up with Chaeyoung.

Mina's POV

22 August 2018 

Photography was initially not a part of my life until I fell in love with a photographer at the age of 21. Her name was Son Chaeyoung. She used to take so many photos of me, documenting our moments together. It was like the only way she knew how to show how much she loved me, was through the camera lens. 

"We take photographs as a return ticket to a moment otherwise gone," Chaeyoung read me this quote on one of our many dates. She was a hopeless romantic. I fell for her artsy, poetic soul. 

After we broke up, I picked up on that, embarking on my own photography journey. Among the scars Chaeyoung had engraved on my wounded heart, she also left me the best thing I ever came to learn: 

Appreciate the present. 

I stared at the photographs that held the memories Jeongyeon and I shared over the past few years. She wasn't the type of person that likes to take photos let alone honor them in albums with dates and occasions. As a lecturer, Jeongyeon was practical but she respected my hobby. I knew she secretly hated it when I insisted on taking photos, which explained why she seemed awkward in most of them, but I found them cute. They were real to me. 

The photographs bore the traces of our happiness. All smiles and full of promises. She loved me and I loved her too. She helped me moved on from the heartbreak Chaeyoung had put me through. She made me believe in love again. Our romance in the United States was almost like a dream. Without a doubt, I agreed to move in with her when we returned to Korea. 

The photographs became lesser after Jeongyeon started to teach at SNU. She was so busy with work whereas I took my time to figure out what I really wanted to do in my life. To a pragmatic person like Jeongyeon, my aimless state ticked her off. She insisted I should do something with my Masters degree if I didn't want to practice law. She got even pissed when I decided to accept Momo's offer to teach dancing. I was firm so she eventually relented. 

After I was discharged from the hospital, we fought again. As soon as we made it to our home, I was caught off guard by her pent up anger erupted all of a sudden. She started yelling about how I should've listened to her and get a proper job. I stood no chance in arguing and the topic somehow veered to I was cheating with Chaeyoung. It got even ridiculous to the point she was accusing me for allowing Chaeyoung to 'have her way with me'. Instead of trying to reason with her, I completely shut down. I couldn't recall what exactly happened during the fight. The screaming was second nature to me. When Jeongyeon left the house, I remembered sitting on the couch in the quiet living room but the tears never came out. 

That day, I spent the whole afternoon wondering what went wrong and how did we become like this. I was always aware of Jeongyeon's assertive nature and short temper. She could be aggressive when frustrated, sometimes violent. I witnessed that myself when she broke into a fight with Seokjin the other day. However, I never expected things to turn so serious to the point she was mentally hurting me with her possessive traits and controlling behavior. Since she found out my past relationship with Chaeyoung, our constant fights lasted for weeks and most of the time, I purposely avoided her as I didn't want myself to love her any less.