Poker Face

Chapter 40 - Forever

"Have you ever pissed Negan off?" Aven asked Arat, catching her in the hallway after dinner. The two had only spoken a few times but Aven wasn't interested much in making friends when she could be alone or with Negan. Still, she needed advice and turned to Arat because Arat was loyal but dignified, one of the only women at the Sanctuary strong enough to respect but not cower before Negan.

"Um, what?" Arat asked, furrowing her brow warily. It wasn't every day the boss's girlfriend came asking about him.

"Don't look at me like that, I'm not trying to get you in trouble," Aven said, noting the woman's less-than-enthusiastic expression. "I'm sorry, I know this is really out of the blue. But I need the opinion of another woman who isn't scared of Negan."

"Okay..." Arat said, leaning back against a wall skeptically as a few workers passed by, glancing nervously at Aven and Arat and picking up speed.

"And you're not scared of him because you and he both know you'd never cross him," Aven continued. "And I wouldn't either, but if he was mad and..." Aven trailed off, unsure exactly what she was trying to ask. "Have you ever pissed him off and he...I don't know, hurt you or put his hands on you?"

"No?" Arat replied, puzzled with Aven's vagueness. "What's the real question?" Aven thought for another moment to get her words right.

"He thought I was the one who let Daryl out and he flipped on me. Nothing terrible but he pushed me against a wall kind of aggressively, you know, as restraint or threat or whatever before I could even say I didn't do it."

"And?"

"I know in terms of actually causing harm that's nothing and I know it's the way he does things, you know? He just handles things aggressively, but..."

"But you don't know if you should stay with a man who puts his hands on you like that," Arat finished when Aven trailed off.

"Yeah," Aven replied softly. "I trust him not to do it again but that sounds stupid."

"Listen, I don't know you or your relationship and I don't want to, but I don't think you should write him off," Arat said, choosing her words carefully and looking off down the hall disinterestedly, confident in her opinion. "Everyone here can tell you're...different to him. He's even generally been a little more even-tempered...which is saying a lot. He was never in such a decent mood so consistently. I think if you were anyone else he would have been more forceful and...I mean, I've seen him kill at least two wife beaters, you know how he is about that shit. And I think there's probably a very fine line for him between leadership and harm, but it's a strict line and he knows it well and doesn't cross it." Aven's mouth hung open slightly, somewhat surprised at Arat's eloquence; her description of Negan's balance of personal and leadership issues suddenly shed a lot of light on the situation, regardless of how wrong Negan had been.

"I don't think you should write him off unless it happens again," Arat continued. Aven nodded silently, her face serious in contemplation. "And that didn't come from me. If things don't work out, I don't need Negan thinking I talked you into anything."

"Yeah, of course," Aven replied, still deep in thought. "And thanks. I really appreciate it." She turned to begin walking down the hall and Arat turned to go the other way, but she hesitated and called back to Aven.

"Hey, I heard what happened with Jared, that he tried to pin things on you," Arat began as Aven turned back to look at her. "Anyone else gives you shit, send 'em my way," she said seriously. "The men here can be insufferable and we need all the tough chicks we can get." Aven nodded and they went their separate ways down the hall.

Aven wandered around the yard until the sun set before finally making her way back up to Negan's room. She couldn't help her longing to see him, even though her anger still lingered. Most of it washed away when she stepped into the living room, just because she saw the man she loved. He was sitting on the couch in his black-rimmed reading glasses and she almost felt bad when she realized he was reading her notebook, in which she'd written her misgivings about him in relation to Tanya.