Poker Face

Chapter 58 - Not Dead Yet

It had been a rough day for Aven even before the attack. She'd spent a few hours in her room feeling drained of energy but unable to sleep, and with nothing substantial to occupy her, her thoughts eventually turned vividly to the day she met Negan, to the men who had attacked her in the woods. The more days that passed, especially while she was bedridden, the more vivid the memories became and the more the feeling grew that something had been taken from her that she couldn't get back. It was a harshly familiar feeling but one that she had stayed mostly disconnected from for a long time.

Fortunately or not, Rick's attack distracted her from that for the time being; now she had something to make her feel even worse. She couldn't let her mind go to a place where Negan was already dead, but she wasn't feeling hopeful, especially the longer she was left alone without hearing he'd been found.

She waited alone in the meeting room for over an hour in an eery silence, occasionally interrupted by the panicked voices of workers passing by, wondering if they were still safe. Finally, the door opened and in came Simon, Regina, Gavin, and Eugene, as well as Arat and Laura who closed the door behind everyone and stood guard just inside. Negan wasn't with them.

"Where the fuck is he?!" she asked, getting to her feet too quickly and having to lean on the table to steady herself.

"We don't know," Simon said solemnly. Aven felt all of her breath leave her body as she sunk back into the chair she'd been sitting in, her face going blank. She stared at the table, trying to figure out a situation in which Negan was alive but somehow completely unreachable. If he were trapped somewhere in the yard, they'd be able to see him from the roof, unless he'd already been taken down by walkers; if he'd made it to the wall or even beyond it, he would have been seen by the attackers and shot; if he were in the Sanctuary, they'd know by now. 

The Saviors gathered around the table and began discussing what to do but Aven didn't hear anything they said. She pulled her chair to the window and rested her forehead against the glass, looking out over the yard and surrounding area in the faint hopes that she'd see him alive and well, making his way back inside. Every once in a while she saw a surviving Savior making their way back to the building, either running through a path clear of walkers or fighting off a group of them. Not all of them made it.

She didn't even notice an hour later when an unruly crowd of workers gathered outside the door and started banging on it, or when Simon began trying to calm them down. The crowd quieted for a time and everyone continued to plan, but sure enough the noise outside grew again. She didn't hear Regina suggest feeding a group of workers to the undead herd as a distraction so the Saviors could warn their outposts. Luckiliy, Eugene expressed exactly what Aven would have: sacrificing workers could lead to a rebellion, especially without Negan there. 

Aven finally pulled her attention away from the window when she heard Gavin say the Sanctuary was surrounded by snipers and that they'd lost contact with all the outposts. Hearing that made her heart drop even lower in her stomach than it already had, adding to the immense pains she was still having anyway, but she forced herself to keep composure as everyone began discussing what could have gone wrong to have allowed this attack to happen. For Negan, she needed to pay attention and figure out who Lucille's next victim or victims were. If he was out of commission (not dead, she told herself), he'd need a thorough and honest account of what happened in his absence.

"They attack when we're having this meeting?" Gavin asked incredulously, motioning to himself, Regina, and Simon. "Us three? The outpost heads?" Aven hadn't even thought of that, having forgotten Simon was even an outpost leader; after all, he seemed to spend too much time at the Sanctuary to be an effective leader. She agreed with Gavin, who she'd had no real suspicions or ill feelings towards, not that she'd had much time to get to know him. He seemed to be a voice of reason among the lieutenants, or at least to pretend to be one, knowing reason wouldn't necessarily always prevail; that's probably why Negan liked him, because he played the straight man but supported Negan no matter what.