Poker Face

Chapter 79 - Tell Me How

Negan and Aven were a lot alike, right down to their thought progression when in the middle of a rage. They were both fairly self-controlled people. That is, until they weren't. It's how they lost control that set them apart. Aven withdrew, finding solace in the bit of control she could take back by separating herself. Negan, on the other hand, did the opposite. He lost control by taking it out on others. And he gained back control by orchestrating terrible morale breakers, attacks and punishments that left people reeling too hard to retaliate. So although he'd decided against eliminating every last member of the Kingdom, Hilltop, and Alexandria, he had in store the punishment to end all punishments. And that punishment took into account Aven's harsh words to him.

But on the eve of their biggest attack, in the wake of her words, it was the least in control Negan had felt since the day he lost Lucille. Not only was he still torn on how exactly to proceed, not only was he furious at Aven and hurt by what she'd said, but now he didn't even have her by his side to help him feel strong again.

Fuck that, he thought. I don't need her to be strong. But the words didn't ring true and he knew it.

Aven found herself up on the roof. It was the most secluded and wide-open space within the walls of the Sanctuary and she didn't mind climbing twenty flights of stairs to get there. In fact, she welcomed it. Before meeting Negan, she had an excellent exercise regimen: fighting and/or running from the dead; surviving. The Sanctuary had a gym but she'd always been put off by exercising around other people so she instead let herself wallow in fatigue while her anxiety spiked. A good climb up the stairs helped burn off the unnerved energy always coursing through her veins.

She didn't know what to do. She didn't know how to get through to Negan about not controlling her, and she didn't know how to end the war. She knew he was right when he said Rick's people would probably strike back if they were allowed to live. But there were people behind the walls of the Hilltop who had never even so much as seen Negan, let alone disrespected him. There were more innocent lives than not, and Negan couldn't honestly keep calling his people the Saviors if they were to exterminate the entire community.

Negan spent the rest of the day planning with his lieutenants and preparing the remaining Saviors for battle, as well as a group of workers who stepped up to fight, some more reluctantly than others after Negan lay into everyone about their responsibility to the Sanctuary. The sun was just barely beginning to set when he got back upstairs to his room and Aven wasn't there. He figured she was on the roof and almost went up to get her, a fear still lingering that she might hurt herself if in the wrong state of mind. But he was still angry and sat down to check and recheck his plans for the next day. He'd stopped in his office to get his notes but couldn't work there because it smelled like sex, which only made his blood pressure rise further.

When Aven came in after eating dinner, he slipped the plans he didn't want her to know about into his pocket, though she wouldn't have seen them anyway as she didn't look at him once. Even so, she knew him well enough to know he'd worked through dinner and dropped a plate of bland pasta and steamed vegetables on the coffee table in front of him before disappearing into the bathroom to take a shower and locking the door. Negan was partially still seething at her and he stared at the food for a long moment, letting out an agitated huff when he finally reached out to take it. He'd just disrespected her for the thousandth time, they'd both just hurt each other with their harsh words, and she still brought him a much-needed meal he didn't even ask for.

On the night of the lineup with the Alexandrians, Negan had made his stance clear and told them that their new way of life would be a mighty big, nasty pill to swallow. Well, Aven had now made her stance clear on him as a person and it was time for Negan to swallow a mighty big, nasty pill himself. It was even harder since he was still so angry, but even with everything else on his mind he couldn't shake the realizations Aven had provoked in him. They were two very similar yet very different people. She balanced him out and he needed that. He'd built up the Saviors by himself but he couldn't maintain them alone. He needed her on his side, and that meant swallowing his pride harder than ever before.