Poker Face

Chapter 62 - The Smart Thing To Do

Aven fell asleep before Negan, though neither of them slept very well. Negan stayed up staring at the back of her head, her venomous words replaying over and over in his mind. I need some fucking time away from you. She'd never shown him such animosity, except for the time she told him to fuck himself up the ass, but that was when he locked her in a cell and her reaction was probably warranted. This time it just hurt and it left him feeling like he was losing her after so little time. He wanted so badly to keep her with him but it just wasn't the right option, and now apparently she wanted to leave again anyway.

But she'd acted like she wanted to leave the first time when he took her away from the Sanctuary and later she even admitted it was an act, and one she didn't want to keep up at that. Maybe this was an act too, albeit his least favorite yet.

At first he didn't understand why she was being so difficult. She'd ultimately given up during their past arguments because helping him was more important than getting her way. She'd been incredibly cooperative and made it clear it was only for his sake. That's when it hit him: that's how Lucille used to be. At the end of the day, she never wanted to argue. She wanted to be happy and interact peacefully; she wanted to enjoy every minute she had with the person she loved and was willing to forego her disagreements and misgivings, to ignore his constant cheating. He hadn't treated Aven anywhere near as badly (save for the incident with the cell, which he was still silently kicking himself for) but it was a similar pattern. She usually backed down when she saw she couldn't win, because the negative feelings between them weren't worth it. But they were worth it this time, enough for her to outwardly reject his touch altogether.

In the middle of the night, Aven woke with a strangled gasp and shot upright to a sitting position, clearly coming out of a particularly bad nightmare. Negan stilled and watched her in the dim moonlight, noticing it was taking much longer than usual for her to catch her breath and stop shaking. Usually he'd already be holding her.

"Doll?" he asked, tentatively reaching out to touch her shoulder but stopping his hand an inch away, worried about startling her. She whipped around to face him, her breath ragged and a clear expression of fear still fading from her face.

"Negan," she whimpered thankfully, diving in towards him and burying her face against his chest. She was obviously trying not to cry and Negan felt bad that he was relieved to see her expressing affection when it was because she was terrified. It reassured him that things weren't changing as much as he feared. He held her tightly, shushing her gently and stroking her hair, but when she calmed down she went still and silent before pulling away altogether and turning away again.

"Aven...please," he whispered desperately, reaching towards her. She sighed heavily and peered over her shoulder. It looked like there were tears in her eyes but Negan couldn't quite see in the darkness. She reached out behind her and took his hand in hers before turning her head away and going back to sleep. He squeezed her hand and began stroking it lightly with his thumb until he finally fell asleep.

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"We're doing it in two runs," Negan said, trying to fill Aven in on the plans to move out. She was sitting on the couch listening but wouldn't look at him, focused on writing in her notebook with a scowl on her face. "We still can't get to all the cars so I'll go first with you and a group of workers and then I'll come back here and Simon will bring everyone else."

"Why not just have Simon go back and forth?" she asked disinterestedly, knowing Negan was coming because he wanted to be with her. She wanted all the time she could get with him but she knew he wouldn't stay at the outpost anyway and was still angry, trying to make a point.

"How are you feeling?" he changed the subject. "I need you to watch the place with DJ after I leave until Simon gets there." Aven sighed and finally looked up from her notebook.