Poker Face

Chapter 46 - On Top of the World

Lately nothing passes lightly
A heavy hand is holding me down
A breeze is just an unfamiliar sound to me
~

Aven sat wrapped in Negan's arms in his lap on the roof of the Sanctuary just after sunset, being bombarded with thoughts of the reality of her time so far with him. There was nothing about how fast they had moved that felt wrong but she was having trouble letting her mind settle on believing that it wasn't too good to be true. 

"Can you tell me about the first few days I was here?" she asked quietly, her thoughts hovering around the beginning of her time at the Sanctuary when she was mostly unresponsive and unalert. "I don't remember what happened. I didn't really want to think about it." He squeezed her shoulder affectionately and kissed the top of her head with a slight frown.

"Why do you want to think about it now?" he asked nervously, he himself pushing away the image he came across when he found her in the woods.

"Just...I don't know," she replied softly. "What were you seeing when you brought me here?" Since everything between them had happened so quickly and she'd become so entranced with Negan, she hadn't truly processed everything that happened just before they got together.

"Well first, I was seeing a very sick, badly sunburned girl who couldn't keep her fucking eyes open," he began. "Fucking beautiful anyway though, even..." He trailed off for a moment but continued. "Even covered in blood and bruises and fucking mud." He again shook away the exact image of how sickly and injured she had been. It made him angry to know anyone would hurt her so badly, but it also made him want to protect her from the parts no one could have controlled, like the bad fever that threw her off her wits and made it impossible for her to fight back. He knew she was reasonably capable out there, at least from what he'd seen when she was healthy, but he hated the thought that there were things he couldn't protect her from.

"It was a long ride back to the Sanctuary and you were pretty much out the whole time. I mean you were kind of awake sometimes but you weren't there," he continued. "I, uh...I helped you drink some water." His voice cracked ever so slightly and he held her tightly, remembering how she couldn't even hold the canteen to her lips. "Fuck," he breathed, burying his face in her hair. "It's a fucking wonder you survived out there alone."

"Um, how did I get into new clothes when I got here?" Aven asked uncomfortably, remembering waking up in the medical room in an unfamiliar t-shirt and shorts.

"Had Arat get you into a change of clothes on the way back. And then I guess Carson helped you..." Negan narrowed his eyes, not having thought of how she'd gotten into a second change of clothes once getting to the Sanctuary.

"Ugh, that's weird," she groaned against his chest. "I don't like not remembering that."

"I swear, I'll fucking kill-" Negan began but stopped short, letting out a small, guilty laugh. "Already killed him." Aven let out an involuntary snort.

"That's terrible," she laughed softly but then frowned, feeling bad for finding humor in Negan's words when she didn't think Carson had deserved to die. "I don't think Dr. Carson..." she began. She had never explicitly told Negan she thought Dwight was lying about Carson's involvement in Sherry's escape but she stopped herself. It felt good to be in Negan's arms and she didn't want to interrupt the moment with a stalemate argument. "It's fine, at least I healed. He did his job."

"When we got here I carried you to medical myself. I didn't want anyone else touching you after...and you looked so fucking...I don't know, it was fucking rough. That's how I knew I was in trouble. Couldn't get you off my fucking mind after that." Negan's voice was as warm as his breath and body and Aven smiled against him. "You hit me like a fucking truck. It happened so fucking fast."