@mockingjay357
Firstly, I would like to suggest to better the structure of your book. Many of the chapters are hard to follow because of the different point of views from characters we weren't introduced to yet. Now multiple points of views aren't always necessary especially if there's so many in one chapter. I'd suggest to sticking to at least two and expanding within their point of views and if you don't have enough to say make it known through one point of view and use more dialogue, therefore, the readers can know the characters speak their thoughts. If there's less dialogue consider writing in third person (check out my reading list for advice on p.o.v). Now, you had some mistakes with grammar and punctuation and everyone struggles with that. If you're writing on your phone try searching different grammar techniques you're unsure about. Especially when it comes to dialogue. Another tip is if you're using a laptop download Grammarly it's free and it corrects grammar and punctuation very well. Also, the way you introduced Lucy, in the beginning, wasn't capturing and often the first chapter of the book should get the audience to want to read further. I want to know more about Lucy and I want to see a well-rounded character and I want to know what makes her different from a readers perspective.
Overall: 5/10
Please don't be discouraged, you're writing for fun and that's what's important. Never stop loving to write and continue to grow.
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