Book Reviews | closed

Cold Move ³

@ayeitsnicoleee

[Summary]

Your summary did not intrigue me and overall felt too wordy. I understand that summarizing can be difficult especially when you don't want to reveal the entire plot but not having a good summary can turn the audience away. I would work harder on creating a concise summary that will reel readers in.

🕊 15/30

[Plot]

So from the summary, I believe it tells a story of Yoongi who suffers from mental illness and he's in a love triangle with two other guys.

One thing you should be certain of is that you are writing about a serious topic and these topics require research to understand a wide amount of experiences regarding depression. You don't want to have mental illness be covered by some love triangle and some cute ship. You have to be sure to portray the struggles that people with mental illness go through especially in relationships.

Yoongi and Seokjin

Yoongi

He is your main character in the book but I feel like I only know him briefly. Besides his mental illness and him feeling like a burden he seems really one dimensional.

The one thing that confuses me is the sudden rush in Yoongi's character and how he met Seokjin. I feel as though there was nothing leading up to this "friendship or affair". He quickly kissed Seokjin and we don't know why? Does he like him? He never mentioned it and his feelings towards Jin were never described in detail it felt very random and out of place.

This lack of understanding causes a disinterest

Seokjin

Just like Yoongi, Seokjin is very one dimensional, You spoke about his past very briefly but I feel as though there could be more than you would reveal. Also as someone with a mental illness why is he so open to tell Yoongi about his past? Does he sense he can confide in him?

Currently, Jin is also confused as to why Yoongi kissed him. How does his trust in Yoongi change?

I feel there's a lot of plot holes and many things that are blurry in this story so far. You should plan things out chapter by chapter and work on forming these relationships and how they will develop realistically. As two people suffering depression in a relationship there's so much depth that you are missing.

🕊 15/30

[Format+Grammar]

I've found a few punctuation errors such as kissing periods and commas. (That happens to me also) but one thing you should be sure to do is to separate dialogue when another character speaks.

Such as:

"Hi" she greeted

"Hello" they responded

It's much easier to read rather than putting it all in one paragraph.

🕊 18/30

[Cover]

Your cover is fine! Goes with the theme.

🕊10/10

[Others

I would take the time to think through the plot and make some serious changes. Since this is a big topic that you are writing on you want it to be realistic and somethings take research.

Also, build up to the relationship that you are forming, it's probably gonna take someone with depression a while to let someone else in, there will be conflict and a lot of struggles.

Overall: 5.8/10

🕊Thank you for requesting🕊