Screw You, Soulmate

chapter sixteen

"It was more like I was falling
into him. He was a soft place
to land and I had wandered
for too long.
He held me in his arms as if to tell me,
'it's where you belong'."

By the time I finally got to the coast, I was so relieved I felt like I could cry. So I did.

I walked into the sand immediately, and the cold crystals beneath my feet welcomed me home. My feet were still warm from the car ride over, mostly because I hadn't bothered to put on shoes other than flip-flops, which I decided to leave in the car.

Soft tears fell from my eyes as I walked closer and closer to the water. The tears turned cold as the wind blew against me relentlessly.

One foot in front of the other, I finally got to the edge of the ocean. I could see miles and miles away, nothing but the dark water, the moon, and the stars. The sight alone was enough to just to cause more tears to fall out of my eyes.

With the moon and the stars as my only witnesses, I just sat there and screamed. I screamed because I was a jerk to Finn and my family. I screamed because I had no control over my life. I screamed because I was tired, all the fucking time and I couldn't do a damn thing about it.

I don't know how long there I sat and cried. It must have been a long time of just screaming and crying over and over again when I realized that all I wanted to do at that moment was fall asleep. My eyes were aching, my throat was raw, and my body was tired, so why not just fall asleep?

But I knew I couldn't. My own thoughts were still running circles around my mind, causing me to want to cry more, even though there were no more tears left to cry.

Curling into a ball, I fell against the sand. Sand got in my hair, in my clothes, and it stuck to the tear tracks on my face. Not that it mattered at that moment. Sand was just sand like I was just a mess.

The water was mesmerizing to me as I just watched it go back and forth. It went from coming at me, slowly but surely, to devour me, and then realized that I wasn't worth the trouble at all. And then it changed its mind, over and over again.

Time passed in weird ways. Sometimes every second, every blink of my eyes felt like a year had passed. But sometimes I just became a small blip in the long line of history, and I was passing by quickly.

My eyes eventually turned towards the sky, and I was reminded of what my grandparents used to tell me when I asked about my soulmate. They said that the stars decided my fate, my destiny, but they also decided my soulmate's.

"Screw fate, and screw you stars. Screw you, soulmate, and screw the damn soulmate magic," I murmured, closing my eyes.

The stars still kept shining down on me, admiring my theatrics, and I was tempted to just flip them off.

That was until I saw headlights shine from behind me. Who the hell would be here at this time of night? Some random couple looking for a private place to hook up I guessed.

Still curled in my little ball, I prayed that whoever was in the car would see me, think I was a lump of garbage, and drive away. I mean, all I had on was a dark NYU long-sleeved shirt that I stole from Jaxon and some plaid pajama pants. Probably not the best choice of outfit when it was near freezing, but the cold wasn't my main concern.

The headlights went away, and I was so grateful. Now, all I needed to do was just fall asleep and everything would be alright by sunrise. My eyes fluttered shut and my breathing evened out, and I was almost sent to the world of dreams.