Screw You, Soulmate

chapter nineteen

"I chose you.
And I'll choose you, over
and over and over.
Without pause, without doubt,
my heart will choose you."

I couldn't remember what else happened on the drive after the beginning.

Almost immediately after I parked the car on the street, I ran into the house and flopped on the couch, grabbing a pillow to soften the blow.

The moonlight shining in through the windows in the living room cascaded over me as I turned to look at my phone. My clock read 10:45 pm as I looked at all my recent notifications.

One missed call from Dean.

One missed call from Ryan.

One missed call from Drew.

Two missed calls from Finn.

One voicemail from Finn.

With a somewhat shaky hand, I opened my phone to hear the voicemail.

"Hey, Luna. I just wanted to see how you are. Willow said you felt sick but you looked fine earlier. I'll call you later to check in, please feel better."

Just the sound of his voice was enough to get the waterworks going. Tears fell down my face as I threw my phone to the other end of the couch. If I kept it in my hand, I knew I would be listening to his voice over and over again, and I knew that wasn't healthy for me.

Sinking to the floor and curling into a ball, I tried to stop the tears but all I could think of was Finn and Ashley.

It was hard to actually believe that Finn continued to date Ashley. Even after our conversations and meeting and all of the time we spent growing closer together in those months, he still chose her.

Fate has screwed me over once again. Finn Jexson, the man who I was supposed to be with and love for the rest of my life, loves another girl. How cruel.

I should've known, especially after the first time we talked. There was supposed to be magic and flirting and the wonderful feeling that could only be described as falling in love with your soulmate.

Instead, it only ended in argument and heartbreak for me. That night should've been a massive warning sign in my face, but I chose to ignore it, like the selfish person I am.

That got me thinking, was I really that selfish all along? Trying to convince myself that I could be with him and that we could be happy together forever? Was that a cover-up for my need to have a happy ever after just like everyone else in my family?

All I thought I wanted for Finn was his own happiness, but selfishly, all I wanted was for him to be happy with me.

"Love is selfish," I whispered to no one.

Love.

Love is to put another's needs before your own, and that was exactly the opposite of what I was doing.

If she makes him happy, then who am I to stand in the way of that? If he wants to be with her and not me, then I have to accept that.