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✤ 1.6 don't be mad ✤

Posted August 7th, 2018

✤ Sanya: 1.6 don't be mad ✤

-Three Months Later-

There were two choices in front of me. Neither of which I was particularly interested in. Nevertheless, I had to pick one and I picked what I thought was the lesser evil. The choices, you ask? Diwali party or my birthday party the next day which would have been organized by my parents.

Ofcourse, I did not want the whole shebang my parents would have pulled out as that would have certainly put me at the center of attraction - and as we have already established, that person is not me.

So, Diwali party it was... correction, a masquerade Diwali party. Yes, I know. Weird. Which Diwali party is a masquerade? But anyway, that is not the only thing wrong with the party. The other thing is it is being hosted by the school. Go ahead and ask. Which school hosts a Diwali party? That's right. This high-class private school does and if you ask me, it is ridiculous. If we were going to college, it would have still been somewhere understandable but that was not the case here.

Anyway, Kriana made a valid point when I was nervous. 'No one will know it's you'.

It was an opportunity to be my true self. Have one night without people whispering around me. No one ever says it to my face due to fear of Kriana and the knowledge of which family I belong to. But, that didn't mean they don't tease behind my back or that I am deaf to the words floating about.

I used to live in my own world but since having started going to this school, I have been uprooted from everything familiar and thrown into this heartless world that I want to have nothing to do with.

They don't understand my anxiety. They call me a freak. A mute. A stammering mess.

But, you know what? They can call me whatever they want. They can give me looks all they want. A year ago, I might have fallen for it and let it destroy my confidence and self-esteem. Now? What do I have to lose? I have my family. I know the people who really care about me.

Rihaan leaving abruptly had been that much of an eye-opener.

A couple days after the accident, I did learn where he was. He had joined his father on a musical tour as he performed around the world. I knew he called Kriana and everyone else in the family. I had overheard them saying his name on the phone. But he didn't call me. He didn't text me. Not even to ask how I was doing after the incident. He did not even show that simple courtesy.

I wanted to not be angry but we had never called or texted each other. So, at first, I did not want to hold it against him. But as days passed, I was mad.

Why should I not hold it against him?

I somewhere counted on him to be around at this school. Yes, I have Kriana but I expected him to be there too. He was one to always look out for me. It was never verbally expressed but it was always understood. But now I fear it was all in my head.

I got his message loud and clear.

I was a fool to ever think he could have any feelings for me.

It had been so easy for him to cut me out of his life when we have basically known each other for as long as we can remember. I never would have thought he would be the guy to leave someone without a care in the world when they were injured. Might I add, because of him. And for what? To tour the world?

Had he always been that shallow and I just refused to see it?

Perhaps my feelings for him caused me to fantasize a little. Make him out to be this person he wasn't? Turn a blind eye to the reality?