Hetalia Oneshots

🇷🇺Russia x Reader - Rasputin🇷🇺

I sat on the couch and had been listening to music when Ivan came and flung himself on the couch beside me, "What are you listening to, Sunflower?" He said.

"Um...Rasputin." I said awkwardly.
"Can I listen? I don't think I've heard that before." He said with puppy eyes, "Oh alright." I unplug the headphones and let him listen.

As the song played, he seemed to be in some kind of trance or something. His eyes were open really wide and he sort of a blank face really.

There lived a certain man in Russia long ago
He was big and strong, in his eyes a flaming glow
Most people looked at him with terror and with fear
But to Moscow chicks he was such a lovely dear
He could preach the bible like a preacher
Full of ecstasy and fire
But he also was the kind of teacher
Women would desire Ra ra Rasputin
Lover of the Russian queen
There was a cat that really was gone
Ra ra Rasputin
Russia's greatest love machine
It was a shame how he carried on He ruled the Russian land and never mind the czar
But the cassock he danced really wunderbar
In all affairs of state he was the man to please
But he was real great when he had a girl to squeeze
For the queen he was no wheeler dealer
Though she'd heard the things he'd done
She believed he was a holy healer
Who would heal her son Ra ra Rasputin
Lover of the Russian queen
There was a cat that really was gone
Ra ra Rasputin
Russia's greatest love machine
It was a shame how he carried on But when his drinking and lusting and his hunger
For power became known to more and more people
The demands to do something about this outrageous
Man became louder and louder, This man's just got to go, declared his enemies
But the ladies begged, don't you try to do it, please
No doubt this Rasputin had lots of hidden charms
Though he was a brute they just fell into his arms
Then one night some men of higher standing
Set a trap, they're not to blame
Come to visit us they kept demanding
And he really cameRa ra Rasputin
Lover of the Russian queen
They put some poison into his wine
Ra ra Rasputin
Russia's greatest love machine
He drank it all and said, I feel fine, Ra ra Rasputin
Lover of the Russian queen
They didn't quit, they wanted his head
Ra ra Rasputin
Russia's greatest love machine
And so they shot him 'til he was dead, Oh, those Russians

When the song was over he looked back at me and said, "You know Sunflower, that song was about a real guy." I looked at him, "Wait really?!" He nodded, "Da, his name was Grigori Rasputin. He was a really evil dude. Yeah he seemed great at first, claiming to be a man of God and a monk, though he made no secret of being married with 4 children."

(Y'all about to get educated.)

I was sort of dumbfounded by this and I just thought it was a dumb song but I guess not. "Tell me more Ivan." I said. "Alright, what do you want to know?" He asked sweetly. "Well everything really, like where this dude came from and stuff." I replied. "Da, alright so a lot about this dude is unknown like exactly when and where he was born. But historians guess he was born around January 30th, 1869 in the Serbian village of Pokrovskoye."

I leaned forward and listened intently to Ivan's words, "He was born into a family of peasants and didn't have much growing up. Though during this period in Russia, everyone was extremely religious including Grigori's parents. So when he was around 17-18 years old, he set off into the Serbian forests, which are NO laughing joke, they literally have tigers and bears in there."

"But anyways Sunflower, after he came back to society, he claimed to have been enlightened and that he was a travelling monk, although he never held an official position in Orthodox Catholic church. And he actually was associated with a cult, people often described him as a mystic and "The Most Mystical Man In Russia" . He also was said to have been able to "Hypnotize" literally ANY woman by staring into their eyes and he could easily and effortlessly seduce any and every woman."

I nodded my head to show that I was still listening and he continued, "By him doing this as you can imagine, angered many people. Now, he sounds like he must have been the most attractive, intelligent, witty person in all of Russia. But no, contradictory to the song when they said he was Russia's Greatest Love Machine, In a sense yes he was, but if you met him, you'd definitely say otherwise if you weren't a woman being hypnotized by him. He almost NEVER bathed and actually said he once went without even changing his clothes in almost a year."

You drew back a little bit and crinkled your nose in disgust a bit at the fact, "He also was reported to have smelled like a goat. But now on to the main thing that made him such a powerful and hated man. You see, the royal family had been needing an heir to the throne, but had bad luck in the past with four daughters. They had all prayed and prayed that God would bless them with a son. Eventually, their prayers were answered and the Tsarina gave birth to Tsarveich Alexei."

"Sadly, the young heir had a rare hereditary blood disease called hemophilia. This meant that if he ever were to bleed, his blood would not clot and he could easily bleed to death. And most people diagnosed with hemophilia never lived to adulthood. The doctors did everything they could at the time which was mainly give him Aspirin, which at the time was known as a miracle drug. But actually, this made his hemophilia even worse. Then Rasputin came along and had claimed that he was a Holy healer who could heal her son, Get it? Like in the song? No, okay."

He frowned a bit at you not laughing as you were dozing off after listening to his voice for so long. You shot up and your eyes widened and you chuckled a bit and he instantly brightened up. "So then Rasputin offered his services, and the royal family accepted. Rasputin asked the royal family left the room so they did. Alexei had been having a hemophilia attack at the time by the way. He prayed over the boy as well as he told him to never take aspirin again. Alexei who was not ready to die listened to him and took his advice. After about a week, the royal family had seen that their son's health had improved and his hemophilia attacks were rare to never even happening."

Time skip because I already have 1,115 words

"Wow Ivan, that's really interesting and odd." You said smiling sincerely. "Da, I'm glad you enjoyed me telling a story to you!" He said hugging you while you hugged back.