dream girl | ed - ON HOLD

feelings

day 4, hawaii
thalias pov

we have three more days left here in Hawaii and I'm sad we have to leave so soon.

so far it's been fun. fun with its fair share of downhills.

I'm just glad Ethan and I are all good though. I was worried he was going to be angry this whole trip.

i yawned and shifted slightly in our comfortable bed. I looked over to my side where Kian slept.

he's been acting distant from the past few days. wouldn't be surprised why.

he was on the far side of the bed, like he didn't even want to be near me at all.

I haven't done anything to hurt him on purpose, so why is he ignoring me so much?

I got up fully and I was about to leave the room to go take a shower, but I was stopped when I heard his voice.

"I have to talk to you" he mumbled in his morning voice.

"Okay" i said happily. I was happy that he was even talking to me.

"Like now" he spoke again.

I walked back to the bed and sat next to him.

"what happened?" I asked.

"I'm feeling really insecure about our relationship lately. because of Ethan. and I know that I should trust you as my girlfriend, but I want to be honest with you lia, I just can't" he suddenly spat.

Each word he said, It felt like someone was throwing stones at my heart.

was he about to breakup with me?
I begged in my heart that he wouldn't.

"I'm so sorry you feel like that kian, but I really wouldn't do anything with Ethan. I love you" I said quietly.

A part of me knew this was a lie.

I don't get why I keep holding onto kian when I know in my heart that I'm not fully into him anymore.

I just can't let go of him.

He's my first kiss, first boyfriend, first love.

first love. funny word; love.

I don't even know anymore. How do I know he's my first love? how do I know that I even love him?

"I'll try and put it past me. I love you" he said, connecting his lips with mine gently.

He's amazing. I'm so so so beyond thankful that he's forgiving me for ever making him feel that way.

I really didn't mean to.
I would never want to.
___

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