Revolution of the Day

Chapter 21

Trigger warning ⚠️; Self harm, negative thoughts

Hours later Alex woke up at his desk. His laptop screen in front of him was dark. It was 2am. His lamp light flickered once. He looked at his messy notes and writings. It was all about his encounter with Eliza.
So it wasn't a dream.
He scratched at his wrists as negative thoughts consumed his mind. Alex buried his face in his hands as the thoughts overwhelmed him.
You're just a lying cheating piece of shit.
Why are you here? You have not family.
You're friends hate you.
You hurt both John and Eliza- the only ones that truly cared for you.
You broke their pure little hearts- you didn't deserve them.
You're useless.
You're selfish.
You're just taking up space and oxygen.
Alex scratched at his wrists again, finally deciding to get up. He wondered wherever his feet takes him, and as usual they ended up in the bathroom. As Alex shuffled across the hall he caught a glimpse of John asleep on the couch, the TV light illuminating his freckled features.
Oh how those were once his. How John was once his.
And you fucked that relationship up.
Alex quietly closed the bathroom door behind him and turn on the light. He took a look at himself.
Fucking- I look horrible.
He stared at himself in the mirror for what seemed like forever, his head not only exploding with hopeless thoughts but with a terrible pounding.
Just get on with it. You fucking deserve it anyway.
Alex looked away from his reflection and turned his attention to the medicine cabinet. He opened it and searched frantically around.
Where are they? Where is it- here!
He took out a pair of scissors.
The cold metal sat in his hands, Alex staring at them like he did in the mirror.
Get on with it already! You deserve this. You hurt the purest girl in the world- you broke her heart and now she can't even look at you. Your best friend can't even look at you!You fucked it all up! Just do it!
Alex opened the pair of scissors and held it in his right hand. He drew the blade over and over- a repetitive motion that he became accustomed to over the years of his life.
The more he did it, the more tears that came.
I can end it all.
Right here.
Right now.

His right hand started to shake. Alexander and sobbing now as images of his mother flooded his mind. Memories of his father leaving ran though. But what permanently stained his brain was his dead cousin. His dead cousin laying lifeless on the bathroom floor.

Alex dropped the scissors and slid down to the floor, his back against the counter. He couldn't. He couldn't do it.
I have to stay alive.

John awoke to the comforting sound of the TV. The Office was still playing. John looked around and found his phone. He checked the time. 2:45am. John turned around on the couch, hugging his pillow. He was fixing to go back to sleep when he heard something drop in the bathroom. He stirred and stood up, making his way down the hallway. He peeked in Alexander's room. Empty. He saw the light on in the bathroom.
Just Alexander he thought. But he heard muffled sobs. That's unusual.
"Alex?" He called quietly. He knocked on the bathroom door and tried the door knob. It was unlocked. He opened it, not at all expecting to see Alexander on the floor crying and blood coming from his wrists.
John rushed over to Alex. Alex wanted to push him away. He wanted to be alone- to just rot away or disappear from existence. But he just stayed there, pathetically crying on the floor in the bathroom.
John hugged Alex, cradled him in his arms.
"Alex, what happened- why?" John asked, worry saturating his tone. Tears stung in his eyes. It hurt John to see his roommate- his best friend like this. Especially after all that happened. Especially after him being a dick to Alex.
John gently took one of Alexander's hands and examined his wrists. The cuts were deep.
"Oh Alex..." he mumbled. John slowly got up and looked around in the open medicine cabinet, pulling out bandages and other things. He squatted next to Alex and looked around. He spotted the scissors and cautiously picked them up and cleaned the blood off of it. He sat down next to Alexander and took his wrist, cleaning it up and bandaging it up. He took the other one and did the same, then put everything away and made a little mixture to sterilize the scissors. John grabbed a washcloth and ran the water over it, then cleaned Alexander's face from the dried tears.
"Cmon Alex" he said. Alex sat almost lifelessly on the floor, staring off into nothing. John picked him up bridal style and brought him into the living room and sat him on he couch. John took the remote and turned up the TV, then changed it from The Office to Stranger Things, Alex's favorite Netflix show even though he didn't want to admit it.
They sat in silence for almost an hour before Alex spoke.
"Why did you do that?"
John was almost startled by Alex, then he was taken aback by his question.
"Alex, I care about you. Why wouldn't I help you?"
"Because I'm a piece of shit."
"Alexander don't say that! You are not!" John took Alex's face and turned it towards him.
"I know you feel like shit right now but trust me we all still love you. Don't be hard on yourself- I already was. I'm sorry for being such an asshole to you, but you don't deserve this-" John motioned to Alex's wrists. Alex brought his knees up to his chest and hugged them. Both Alex and John sighed.
"Have you talked to Peggy at all?" Alex asked.
"Nope."
"I saw Eliza today."
"Really?"
"Yeah. She looked really nice. Can I have some coffee?"
"No. You need sleep."
"But I have work due tomorrow."
"No you don't. You're calling in sick and getting sleep tomorrow- well technically today."
"Okay."
The two sat there in silence. Alex fell asleep, his head dropping onto John's shoulder. Soon after John fell asleep too.

**coughcough**  Hope this was okay for y'all