⠀ ❝ And in the back of her mind, Katie knew that her words were a lie. Because if her nightmares could creep up into her mind and become her reality, she would be damned if this Remus Lupin - his lips, his hands, his ragged breath, his willing rec...
[ Suddenly, with stark realization, he knew that he wouldn't be able to look her in the eye and tell her that he was a monster. ]
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The trip up to the dormitory was stuffy, full of an awkward, nearly suffocating tension that — despite the past few weeks — Remus and Katie still hadn't become accustomed to. Remus strayed slightly behind Katie, keeping a distance.
Stepping into the dormitory and closing the door did nothing for the tension. If anything, it only made it worse. They were trapped, enclosed, with emotions running high and no way out of confrontation. Despite what they each said to James and Lily respectively, the tension only seemed to build a lump in both their throats.
The silence was broken only slightly as Katie slowly walked over to Remus' bed, leaning against one of the wooden bed posts.
Remus just watched fondly as she let her fingertips touch his mattress comforter delicately, relishing a little at how that small action helped to elevate the heavy tension. Katie smiled fondly as well, unable to help it as a familiar chocolate scent reached her nostrils.
She still hadn't turned to face him. Despite how much she yearned for this moment — the moment to vindicate his self-blame and receive validation that their friendship meant as much to him as it did to her — she was at a loss for words.
She had always had a natural tongue. While James had his charismatic smile, she been gifted the ability to spin words in ways that others struggled to. But somehow, coupled with the knot that was carefully pulling itself tighter in her stomach and the moderate ache at her temples, she knew that her gift would fail her if she tried to speak.
Her words would be of no help to the situation, a disastrous spark to an already raging fire. Right now the room was at a neutrality, the scales hadn't yet been tipped from hopeful to disaster. The action of turning around and attempting to meet his eyes would change the balance of the room entirely.
The long silence stretched on for a few more moments. Later on, the two would eventually look back to say that this moment was one of the most uncomfortable in their lives. Katie could hear Remus' feet absentmindedly shuffling around nervously—one of his many tells that she'd picked up on over the years.
This entire silent exchange felt futile. It was a game of dancing around the other in hopes that things would magically heal the seams that had come undone in their carefully knitted relationship. The moment still didn't feel quite right because Katherine had never thought twice about a risk, and she'd certainly never felt so lost for words before. But there would always be exceptions to her rules.
