LOVEHATE

11

I opted not to tell Lillian about my embarrassing trip to Shawn's condo. Maybe he'd tell Owen and maybe it would get back to her, but until that happened, I was keeping it to myself.

The week after that terrible night, I went out with my friends. Instead of going to the club to dance, we went to a hole in the wall bar a couple blocks off campus. It was convenient, but that was pretty much all it had going for it. The battered floors and tables were always sticky and the place smelled like stale beer. I'd been there often enough to know not to dress up, so I wore an old college sweatshirt of my dad's and some boyfriend jeans.

Owen brought several pitchers of beer to the table and set them down. He then got one more pitcher and a stack of glasses. I wasn't crazy about beer, but I knew they watered down the mixed drinks here, and their wine selection was terrible. It wasn't worth it to drink anything other than the barely chilled crap they had on tap.

I was two beers in when Kyrie leaned towards me. "Your buddy's here," she said.

I looked up and saw Shawn walking towards the table. Last weekend I wanted him to show up and he didn't. Tonight I was praying he didn't, so of course he was here.

I'd never told Kyrie about the 'thing' I had with Shawn, but she knew something was up. In fact, I suspected everyone who'd been around us knew there was more to our relationship than just hating each other.

"Great," I mumbled under my breath as I looked down at the table.

"He looks great, alright. And he's looking right at you," she whispered.

Shawn sat across the table from me, and I couldn't help but acknowledge his presence since he was staring at me.

"Hi," I said unenthusiastically.

He gave his head a little shake before saying, "Nice to see you, too."

I turned back to Kyrie and we continued our conversation from before. Shawn started telling the people near him about the last leg of his tour after Owen asked how it had gone. I couldn't help but listen, and eventually Kyrie and I were both wrapped up in what he was saying. He had a knack for storytelling.

When he was done telling a hilarious anecdote about a cab ride in Tokyo, I excused myself to go pee because beer tended to run through me quickly. I walked out of the somewhat disgusting ladies' room at the same time Shawn exited the men's room. I was a little tipsy which prompted me to actually talk to him instead of ignoring him like I'd been doing.

"I'm sorry about last week. I never should have just showed up at your place. If I ruined your night with your date, then I'm even more sorry."

He stared at me for a second. "I guess I could add cockblocker to the list of things about you that annoy me, but it's okay. I sent flowers to her at her hotel, and she came back over the next night."

"Oh. Good. I'm glad it all worked out," I said with a forced smile. I felt a slight pang of jealousy that he'd fucked her after all. Maybe the pang wasn't so slight.

"Are you?"

"Of course. Why wouldn't I be glad?"

He stepped closer to me and placed a hand on the wall beside my head. Leaning in he said, "I think you're a little bit jealous."

I scoffed. "What? No! Jesus Christ you have an overinflated ego."

"I wasn't the one who showed up at someone's door for sex and got turned away because that person was already with someone. She got what you were after. I can see why that would sting."

"I'm actually really glad she was there. It saved me from making a stupid mistake," I said, though his words did hit pretty close to home.

"Fucking me is a mistake?" he asked.

He then placed his other hand on the wall, trapping me between his veiny muscular arms. He leaned a little closer and licked his lips as he stared at mine. He'd pulled this move on me before, but I wasn't falling for it this time. I ducked under his left arm and made my way back to the table.

"You okay?" Kyrie asked as I sat down. "You're all red."

"I'm not feeling great, actually. I'm going to go home," I said as I pulled some cash out of my wallet to cover my share of the beer. I set it on the table and stood up and said my goodbyes. I avoiding looking at Shawn who was standing to the side.

I didn't love walking alone at night, but it was less than three blocks. I kept a rapid pace just to be safe. Soon I got to my apartment building, rode the elevator, and let myself into the third floor unit.

I was setting my keys on the kitchen counter when I heard a rapping at the door. I looked through the peephole and saw Shawn.

I opened the door and scowled at him. "Did you follow me home?"

"I didn't think you should walk the streets alone at night, so I made sure you got home safely."

Okay. So maybe that was thoughtful.

"Thanks, but why are you here at my door?"

He ruffled his hair and just stared at me.

I finally got it. "Oh."

"Can I come in?" he asked.

"So really you weren't concerned about my safety. You just wanted to get laid? Surely there's some other girl you fuck on the regular who you could go hit up."

He let out a frustrated groan. "I honestly was worried about you walking alone, but after I got here I figured I'd see if you wanted to hang out."

"Hang out? Like maybe pop some popcorn and watch a movie? Braid each other's hair?"

"Can you stop being snarky for maybe ten seconds?" he asked.

"I doubt it."

"I guess I'm the one making a mistake tonight," he said irritably.

"You and I are just a big string of mistakes. At some point we need to learn from them and stop."

"How about we start that tomorrow," he said as he stepped past me into my apartment.

"You have a lot of nerve," I said, but my entire body was tingling with anticipation. He made me so angry but turned me on at the same time.

"Fuck, Sadie! The more we stand here arguing, the more I want you," he said, his voice rough. "I hate that you do this to me every time I see you. I tell myself it's stupid and that I can ignore you, but goddamned if I'm not dying to get you alone as soon as I lay eyes on your beautiful face."

He'd called me sexy before, but this was the first time he'd called me beautiful. I instantly felt butterflies in my stomach.

Shawn stepped closer to me. "After Allie left last week, I wanted to call you and beg you to come back. I wanted you so much more than I wanted her."

I thought about telling him that I'd seen her leave and that I'd sat in my car for five minutes after she drove off willing myself not to go back up to his condo. It had been a tough internal fight. Now that I'd heard what he just said, I regretted that the more rational side had won. I opted to keep quiet about this, because I didn't want to reinforce that he had power over me. Although I think that was becoming obvious.

As we stood there, the ache between my legs was almost unbearable. I was quivering with excitement.

He looked at me curiously. "Are you okay?"

I shook my head. "I'm not really okay. You drive me crazy."

He stepped a bit closer, narrowing the gap between our bodies. "Good crazy?" he asked as he leaned forward and kissed me just below my ear.

"Good and bad," I said as I wrapped my arms around his neck.

"Let's focus on the good," he whispered in my ear.

He took hold of my ponytail with his right hand and angled my head back so that he had access to my lips. His other hand reached behind me and cupped my ass, pulling me forward so I could feel him against me. Was he always hard? It seemed like it. As I moaned, his mouth attacked mine, his tongue taking advantage of my open lips.

Resistance was futile.