LOVEHATE

27

"What do you think of this one?" I asked Lil as I modeled what was probably my 5th outfit. This one was a long navy blue pencil skirt and a cropped gray sweater.

"It's beautiful, just like the others were. I've never seen you care so much about what you wore before. I love this new you!" she said happily.

"It's only because he told me to wear something pretty. That puts a lot of pressure on me!"

I'd gotten up early to do schoolwork and had then worked at the paint shop until an hour ago. Work had dragged on and on today. Sundays were often slow, but a large group of teens showed up. They had no idea what they were doing and took much longer than usual. Overall, they were really nice kids, so I couldn't complain.

I hurried home, showered and shaved my legs (just in case), and did my hair and make-up. My hair was in loose bouncy curls and I'd put on more eyeliner and eyeshadow than usual to create a dramatic look. Now I was trying to find the perfect outfit for my first date with Shawn. Just thinking the words first date made me smile to myself.

"He's going to think you look pretty no matter what, Sadie. It's obvious he thinks you are beautiful, or you wouldn't be where you are now with him."

I sat down on the bed. "He's only once told me so, and it was in passing. I'd like to look so good tonight that he really wants to tell me. That's vain, right?"

Lil sat next to me and put her arms around me, squeezing me tight. "No. It's very human to want to have the guy you love tell you how gorgeous you are."

"I never said I loved him," I said, squirming out of her grasp to find a 6th outfit. I quickly pull off my clothes.

"Whatever. You've said you hate him a thousand times and love and hate are almost the same thing."

I turned to her, now stripped down to just my bra and panties. "That's crazy talk."

"No. It's what a lot of philosophers believe. Mark explained it to me one night. Both feelings are full of emotion. One tiny thing can turn love to hate or hate to love."

"I don't hate Shawn anymore, but I'm not ready to go to the other extreme," I said as I pulled on a pair of black tights.

I did see what she was saying, though. Passion was passion whether triggered by love or hate.

"What if he loves you?" she asked.

I grabbed my burgundy suede high-waisted mini-skirt that had buttons up the front. I then put on a tight black wraparound sweater.

"I doubt he loves me. Look who he is and look who I am," I told her as I tried to find my second tall black boot in the back of my closet. I finally found it and pulled it on.

"That's it. That's the outfit!" Lil exclaimed, jumping up and dancing around me.

I looked in the full length mirror on the back of my door. "I think so, too."

"And sweetie, don't say stuff like you just said. He's no better than you just because he's famous."

I nodded, though I didn't really believe her. "What are you up to tonight?" I asked.

"I'm going over to Owen's to study," she said.

"Study. Right."

"I have a test in my textiles class tomorrow! I really am studying! Among other things. Feel free to bring your hot date back here. You'll have the place to yourself."

"I wish," I said glumly.

"Oh right. No sex. I wonder how long that will last," she said with a laugh as she walked to the door. "When you hated each other you couldn't stop yourselves. How on earth will you be able to have control now? Especially if you look like that!"

I'd been wondering the exact same thing. If he wanted me as much as I wanted him, celibacy would be very difficult. It certainly didn't help that we knew how good we were together. In the months we'd been apart, thoughts of what he could do to me ran through my head constantly. He was magic.

There was a knock at the door. Turning off the light in my room, I went to answer it, both nervous and excited about the date. When I opened it, I saw Shawn standing there with a bouquet of red roses, a big smile on his perfectly handsome face.

"Hello," he said, leaning in to kiss me before handing me the flowers.

"Hi. And thank you," I said as I admired them. "These are beautiful! Let me put them in a vase."

He took his leather jacket off and draped it over the back of a chair. I took care of the flowers as he stood watching me. I could feel his eyes roaming over my body.

Once the roses were arranged nicely, I set them on our small dining table.

"They are going to make me happy every time I see them," I told him.

Shawn came up behind me and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me tightly against him. "That's fitting because you make me happy when I see you."

I turned around to face him. "For a long time I made you angry."

"Most of my anger was because I hated what you did to me. I'd never been so powerless to a woman before."

"Do I still have that power?" I asked curiously.

His face turned serious and his eyes grew dark. "You have no idea."

"We could skip going out," I said, testing my power.

"We have reservations. And it's important to me that we do this right. If we stay in, we're back to where we used to be."

I pulled away and smiled. "I agree. And I've really been looking forward to going on this date. I was so excited that I had a hard time choosing something to wear."

"You look so beautiful, baby," he said, beaming at me.

Butterflies started going crazy in my stomach. "You think?"

"You're always stunning, but you look extra pretty tonight. We should get a picture together."

We'd never taken a pic together unless the accidental selfie I took with him behind me at the bar counted.

Just then Lil walked in the kitchen. "I'll take your picture," she volunteered.

Shawn handed her his phone. We stood next to each other, his arm around my shoulders and mine wrapped around his waist. Lillian took several photos before handing the iPhone back to him.

"I'm pretty sure you two are the best looking couple I've ever seen," she said.

"Do you mind if I use the bathroom before we go?" Shawn asked.

"Of course not," I said.

After he shut the door, Lil leaned towards me and whisper yelled, "He said you were beautiful, stunning, and pretty!"

"Were you eavesdropping?" I asked in mock horror.

"My door was open. I couldn't help it. But that's beside the point. You were all mopey about this very thing and look at what he said!"

I rolled my eyes. "Okay. I agree it was nice and it did make me feel good. I still think he's out of my league. He could be with someone much prettier than me. Eventually he's going to wise up and realize that."

I heard Shawn clear his throat behind me and I turned around, mortified.