You Always Build It Better the Second Time Around

(Yu) Chapter 4 - Accepting (That You Are Gone)

A/N: Mentions of rape and mental abuse. Continue at your own risk.

Note: This chapter will be a bit longer than my 2,000 word limit I usually do. There's a lot of angst on Yu's part.

.....

"Mikaela," I call his name, turning back at him with a slight tilt of my head, ears perked. "May I have your permission to scout him out?" I ask, quite confidently, too.

He seems to ponder it for a moment before agreeing. However, he gives me a serious look as he adds, "If he proves too difficult, wait for me to get there, too."

I agree. "It'll be fine," I assure him so he won't worry more than necessary. "But I'll be sure to do that if I can't beat him again." I pause. "But it should be fine," I add moments later. "Wait here ten seconds, and then you can follow me," I inform them, keeping my tone light and calm. Then I sharply turn to Kimizuki, bitterly asking, "Got that, snake?"

He nods quietly, though I know it's because his master, Yoichi, is there keeping him in check. How annoying that I don't get someone to tease and bicker with. It's been so long since I've had the freedom to speak. Shito Surumi is a very serious god despite his humorous nature when it comes to disciplining captured yōkai. Because all the Devine Familiars are already taken, the gods have turned to capturing yōkai to train to be their familiars. It's not entirely a bad thing when you've been on the inside and know the dangers of surplus yōkai running about doing as they wish, but it's not entirely a good thing either.

Instead of forming a contract with the yōkai right away, gods like Shito Surumi have created a "rehab" of sorts that works on training and disciplining the yōkai to be ready to become familiars when deemed so. Disciplining can go as far as abuse depending on how troublesome you are to the gods working in this "rehab" place. For gods, they sure do make one hell of a hellhole.

As soon as I get to the clearing, a familiar face of an acquaintance I made in my yōkai days is there to greet me, his smirk and all. Upon seeing my face, his smirk only deepens on both sides of his lips, turning it into an ill-intent smile I'm all too familiar with. We were friends seemingly in another life. In reality, it was before I was captured by the gods. We fought side-by-side each other. We won together. We lost together. We escaped when things proved too difficult- though rarely ever was there a task, a foe we could not overcome. We trusted each other. We believed in each other. All these things are what makes us stronger.

But then there came a time where I lost. And not even alongside him. I lost to him.

He may have lost my trust, something that he can never get back; but I lost more.

To him, I lost my innocence, my purity. Something I can never get back.

So I guess we both lost something we can never get back- but I fell harder whether you count it as on his bed, or falling because of my blind trust in him that he would catch me. Looking back, I can only laugh because of my naiveté. At that time, I would've trusted him to lead me through the dark when I could not see; to pick up my pieces and the debris of my heart and put me back together again.

However, that was all just part of my infatuation. I clung to the closest thing I could and favored him above myself. I put him on a pedestal just as he was building me a throne. I would to be the king; him my most precious treasure.

But the throne was just for show. What he was really doing was fluffing up the pillows and slowly making me feel comfortable enough to undress before him. Figuratively, mind you. However, it soon became a reality... only I was forced to oblige with whatever he wished to do with my body when I refused him.