You Always Build It Better the Second Time Around

Chapter 37 - Realizations (, Destructive They Are)

"You're an idiot," I mutter, burying my eyes of tears in his neck, his warmth pervading through my body, and I can't help but be pissed off, thankful, and still so very frightened all at once.

He rests his head on my shoulder, a sob threatening to escape the depths of his heart. "I failed. I'm not strong enough. I failed. I failed you." His fingers entangle and tug at his raven hair, his voice fragile and low in shame and self-blame. "I can't do it. I'm weak. I'm not strong. I'm not what you think I am. I'm not... I failed. I can't be who you want me to be. I can't be who I want to be. I fail. I'm always failing. I'm always the one being saved. I wanted to at least do this one thing for you. I'm going to die either way... But I can't even...

"I failed."

I shake my head. "Stop fighting. It's alright now. I'll allow you to give up for now. You've been fighting for so long. When was the last time you were able to rest? I'll fight for you now, so you can stop. I'll protect you."

"That's what I'm trying to say!" He pulls away from me. A sour look crosses over his face accompanied by a small whimper of pain, his hand returning to his side. He doesn't spend even three seconds worrying about the pain before he looks up to meet my gaze. "I don't want to be fought for anymore. I can still fight! I can still prove that I am worthy- worthy to be your familiar, your family, and... lover..." his voice trails off, a look of annoyance and confusion within his eyes and furrowed brows. "What?" he asks somewhat harshly.

I grant a small smile despite him. "You can give up on fighting." I place a finger on his lips parted with ready use of words of protest. "You just can't give up entirely. I won't let you give up. Not your life, nor your love. I'm the only one worthy of your tears," I wipe my thumb over his wet lashes, "so don't shed them for anyone or anything else." I lean forward to place a soft kiss just above the bridge of his nose, and another above, right on his forehead. "We don't need the Heavens to fight for us. I'll fight for you. Krul Tepes, Ferid Bathory, Koutorou, and Crowley Eusford. Mitsuba Sangu, Shinoa Hiragi, Yoichi Saotome, Shiho Kimizuki... Mikaela Shindo Hyakuya. These are the list of people who will fight for you, Yuichiro Amane." I smile. "Though, you'll soon be Shindo."

"That sounds a bit weird, don't you think?" Yu deadpans, still not completely feeling 100%, but still trying to make light of the situation.

I can't help but smile. "But so does Mikaela Amane," I counter, rising to my feet and offering a hand to him. "Let's settle for Hyakuya, then. Yuichiro Hyakuya. Now doesn't that sound nice? And it's still my name you're taking."

His lips twitch into a frown at the blood on his hands and clothing. I take his hand anyway and pull him onto his feet.

"Kiss me."

He looks up to me. "You ask for too much," he mutters while, nevertheless, stepping forward to plant a soft kiss to my lips. I smile against his lips, pulling him close when he tries to back away and keeping him locked in another kiss.

"We have to see this through to the end, Yu," I mutter into his lips, distracting him from the fear of facing Nikolai, and the shame he feels, believing he's inadequate; not good enough. "Will you see the end of this with me?"

He looks away for a moment as if to decide. He returns to meet my gaze once again, his lips parting to give an answer. "Nikolai isn't human," are the words instead that leave his mouth.

I clutch his hand tightly. "What?" I ask for his confirmation. Did I really hear him right?

Yuichiro nods to my disbelief. "Nikolai isn't human," he repeats. These words give birth to a million different demons and plagues of death. Yu lowers his head on my chest. "I do not know how to kill him."