Heart Flutters; [afi]

[o3]

"Growing apart doesn't change the fact that for a long time we grew side by side; our roots will always be tangled. I'm glad for that."

-Alli Condie, Matched

August 4th, 2010|| Age 16

        After that day in the park with Ashton, things were never the same. He fell deeper and deeper into a dark place that I wasn't able to reach him in. He dropped weight, his already lean frame slipping into a skeletal state, no longer accentuating the muscles that would have been present. His eyes were always tired and dark, his voice no longer laughing. It was as if my best friend had disappeared and left, leaving an empty shell of the person he once was. I'd like to say that our friendship wasn't any different, that we still visited the ball park and giggled about our lives, but it wasn't. Ashton rarely spoke to me and when he did, it was awkward and I felt like he wanted nothing more than to disappear away from me. 

        He's sitting across the lunchroom at a table alone, his fork twirling absently through the cafeteria macaroni and cheese that he ordered. I'm not even sure if he's even attempted to eat it or not. Karli's talking about her latest boyfriend, who's coincidentally right beside her, discussing her birthday plans on Friday. It takes me back to Ashton's birthday, he never so much as looked at my 'happy birthday' text message, let alone answer my phone call. I knew this because the read receipts on his iPhone showed that he didn't even bother to check.

        To say I'm hurt is an understatement, instead I'm legitimately crushed. I have a hard time focusing anymore, mainly because I'm always so worried about Ashton. We've managed to get some of the same classes unintentionally. Sometimes, I catch him looking at me and when I stare back into his eyes, it hurts so much that I have to drop my own gaze back to the sketches that I've decorated my desk with. Most of them are memories with Ashton. It's as if I've lost the piece of me that kept me whole, now there's just ... Emptiness.

        I see him leave his table, his food untouched.   

        "And I was thinking that maybe we could all wear duct tape, you know, like how the seniors did for their grad party? I found some pink and black zebra print stuff that'd be super cool," Karli continues, twirling a finger through her hair.

        "Karls, I'll be a minute, okay?" I answer, my eyes following Ashton. She notices and turns to look at him, leaning over her boyfriend. I don't even know his name, I've given up learning them after number six this past month.

        "Really, Lex? He won't talk to you, or anyone. Can we please just pick a theme for my party?"

        "I promise that we'll plan the best party of your life," I begin, rising from my seat. "When I get back."

        Before she has time to object, I dash after him, ignoring the stares of everyone around me. It's been too long since we've last had a normal conversation and I miss it, I miss him more than I could ever begin to imagine.

        Things had changed a lot between us, especially with me. I had started dating a guy from the Northwest Christian College named Calum, things were okay but I missed the carefree and butterflies I always had around Ashton. Ashton was beyond angry with me, especially not knowing who Calum is at all. He said that it's stupid to date at sixteen and said that even though he hopes I'm happy, he wishes that I wouldn't have bothered. I had grown tall and slender, with curves in my hips that weren't there before. I learned how to curl my dark hair into soft waves and started wearing makeup. I had changed a lot, growing out of my shell and learning to speak my mind, mostly because of Ashton. He had dated a girl named Jasmine last year, but they broke up after she moved. I was pretty happy when they broke up, she didn't try to talk to me and they got in a lot of fights because of Ashton's friendship with me.