Heart Flutters; [afi]

[o8]

"Good night and good luck."

- Edward R. Morrow

February 10th, 2013|| Age 19

I thought that Calum would move on but he didn't. Instead, he would continually shoot me longing glances when I wasn't looking (or sometimes when I was) during times that we all hung out in a big, musical group. Ashton talks so much that often he'd dominate conversations, his giggles enlightening the seemingly dark, too mellow atmosphere that sometimes hung around in Michael's basement. Michael would often laugh loudly with Luke, although most times he'd tell Luke to shut up or he'd make some sort of crude joke. This usually led to a huge play fight between the boys, something that Calum often didn't jump into.

I made it a goal to distance myself further from Calum, mainly to focus on my time with Ashton. Things have been beyond good between the two of us for the past seven months and Ashton's made sure to surprise me each anniversary. We've managed to learn to communicate in a new way and I found that often when we did fight over something, it was always resolved before the next day. Often we'd argue about little things, Ashton would get jealous over something or I'd be a little bit too overbearing or critical of him. At the end of it though, I wouldn't change a damn thing about him.

We're in the basement of Michael's place, lazying around and playing video games until the boys finally decide when they want to start practicing. Luke and Michael are playing some sort of sports game on the floor, Calum's in the chair in the corner with his face buried in his phone, while Ashton and I hog the whole couch. I've got my legs swooped across him and his hands are resting on my thighs. He keeps shooting me these cute, shy smiles that make me blush and I realize that tonight might actually be the night between the two of us.

We've talked about sex a lot and there's been too many times for me to count that I've been damn close. We've done everything but that aspect, neither of us shy or awkward by any means. I don't think I could ever grow tired of kissing Ashton but the biggest thing holding me back is not telling him that Calum was actually my first. It's not like I'm scared to or anything, I just don't want him to be off-put by the whole situation and the last thing I want to do is rush anything with Ash. I want the first time that we actually sleep together to be special, even if it's taken us almost a year to reach that point. Seven months is a long time to wait, especially at our age, but he always just smiles and says that he's fine with where we are.

Ashton's fingers tickle my bare legs as he watches the game that Luke and Michael are so absorbed in, I've leaned up against him, my head on his shoulder. I wish desperately that I would have brought my sketch book with because the light against his hazel eyes and the shadows against his jaw make my fingers twitch with want. I can picture exactly how perfect his face would look in charcoal against the ivory paper.

"I'm getting tired," He mumbles with fatigue after a few minutes of watching the game. I nod in agreement and prop myself up against the back of the couch. Calum frowns heavily in Ashton's direction, not making eye contact. Ever since our break up, the two of them have been wishy-washy in their friendship. Sometimes they seem to get along great but when I'm around, Calum becomes colder than the north pole. I suppose that it's probably because he's reminded of what he no longer has.

"Should we go?" I whisper back, nuzzling his cheek with my nose suggestively. He raises one eyebrow as he grins.

"Lexi, kick this guys ass," Michael complains, tossing the controller down as Luke does a victory dance. He mostly fist-pumps the air until Michael tries to tackle him to the floor.

"We actually were just about to leave," I reply sheepishly, slipping my hand into Ashton's as I help him up off the couch. He's so groggy that he can barely stand up but his eyes are still bright. Luke sticks out his lower lip at me as his eyes grow wide like a puppy's. Michael shoves him jokingly and I let out a heavy sigh before turning to face Ashton. His skin is going pale but he smiles and nods toward the guys, insinuating that it's okay for me to go play.