Heart Flutters; [afi]

[o7]

"Perhaps that is where our choice lies -- in determining how we will meet the inevitable end of things, and how we will greet each new beginning."
-Elana K.

June 6th, 2012|| Age 17

"I'm glad you agreed to meet up," I finally say, tapping my fingers against the cheap paper of my Starbucks cup. The cafe is busy, busier than I expected anyway, the dim lights casting shadows over everyone's faces. The fake fire place illuminates both of us as we sit at a tiny two-person table in the corner. Although it's noisy, I find that all I can focus fully on is the news that I'm about to break.

Calum takes a swig of his iced drink before placing it down with a refreshed, "Ah". He looks good, his dark hair tousled messily. He's wearing a blue muscle tank and black ripped jeans, one of the favourites that I used to adore on him. He doesn't seem upset at all to see me and when I called him initially to break the news to him about Ashton and I, I decided on a whim to have coffee. Calum seemed to be pretty upbeat about the idea and suggested a time, so here we are now.

"Why wouldn't I?" He questions, his eyes crinkling as he smiles. We both chuckle together and a swirl the hot liquid in my cup awkwardly. There's so many things I want to ask him and even though Ashton and I are officially together now, a small part of me misses the Alex I was with Calum.

"I dunno, I wasn't sure if it was too soon after the break up or if you actually meant that you wanted to stay friends I guess," I admit and Calum shakes his head at me. He reaches over and clasps my hand, his palms are like fire against my cold skin.

"There's no hard feelings on my end, Lexi, it didn't work out. It wasn't like we ended things on bad terms," He begins, his thumb rubbing the upper surface of my hand. "I'm actually glad you called, I miss talking to you."

"It's weird, hey? After a year and a half of talking to each other almost every single day to not at all?" I chuckle and he joins in.

"It's an adjustment, yeah, but I'm glad we can laugh about it at least. The first couple of days were really tough, I wanted to call you so many times and take it all back but deep down, I kinda knew it was for the best," He replies softly and stares down at his cup. The fake fire flickers in the background but glows in the dark brown of his eyes.

"I understand to an extent, it was for the best. I mean, Emma was involved and I wasn't being the best girlfriend either," I slowly say, wondering what the best way to word this would be. I don't want to bring up too many things at once in front of Calum, especially since it hasn't even been a month yet. It definitely looks bad now that Ashton and I are dating but there's so many contributing factors that it would have been bad anyway.

"Well Emma was a big part of it yes but so was Ash," Cal's smile falters slightly and I wish that I didn't see it. I immediately feel guilty and fold my arms on the table self-consciously. "I know that you guys are best friends and all but it made it hard, I don't think you realized just how much your emotions played on your face. I'll admit, I was.. Jealous, for a really long time. When Ashton quit talking to you for that time, I was almost happy because for the first time, I finally had you all to myself."

I stare down at my hands, unsure of how to reply. I don't need to because Calum quickly licks his lips then continues.

"But then, when Ashton wasn't around, you weren't the same person anymore. It was like you lost that spark in you that I loved so much, you weren't my Lexi anymore. Ashton makes you who you are, not saying that you aren't your own person, but he brings out a light in you that I just couldn't. That's when I realized that you weren't just his best friend, you are an actual part of him. That you love him in a way that you would never love me."