Heart Flutters; [afi]

[17]

"I could've sworn I was telling the truth when I told you I didn't miss you."

― pleasefindthis, I Wrote This For You

Present Time, October 14th, 2014|| Age 20

Calum's words unnerved me and I dropped my phone the minute the words had slipped out of his mouth. Knowing that Ashton and I would be within the same vicinity again hurt more than a knife to my heart, twisting and lurching until it grazed the top of my lungs. I choked and sputtered a moment before taking in a few hyperventilated breaths, trying to regain my composure. This is it, I'd finally see Ashton after all this time. I just wish that there was some way that I could feel prepared for this.

With a shaky hand, I picked up my phone, Calum's voice echoing unanswered hellos until I finally manage to take in a healthy breath. It's a scary feeling knowing that he's going to be home, within reach, close enough that I can touch his skin again. Would I even be able to? Would he even want to see me? The whole situation is so unnerving, I'm not sure how I'll handle being that close to him again.

The only thing I can think of at this point is talking to Karli, she should be home since all of her classes end at two anyway. I just want to vent to her, find out what the media's been talking about, get her to talk some sense into my thick head. Ashton broke my heart into pieces, I understand that being on tour is busy but ignoring me like I never existed seems completely uncalled for. I now get why people hate fame, it turns people into relentless assholes, even if they supposedly love you.

"I'm sorry, Cal, I dropped my phone," I finally answer him and I hear a sigh of relief escape his lips. I scratch the back of my head, partly because of nerves and the other half from anticipation. Would he want to talk to me, see me even? "Has.. Has Ashton mentioned anything about me?"

Calum pauses yet again and I hear my heart roaring through my ears. The pause doesn't feel reassuring and my hopes slowly die and die and die with each passing second. After what feels like an eternity, I hear Calum lick his lips.

"No, Lexi, he hasn't talked about you at all lately. He's.. Different. This whole thing's changed him a bit, I don't know what to say," Calum admits and my heart drops. I nod slowly, knowing that Calum can't see me. "Have you been reading anything on facebook or twitter? Magazines even?"

"Karli told me not to, I'm scared of what I'm going to see," I answer slowly, kneeling against the old brick of the university. My head feels heavy and dizzy so I take deep breaths to try and slow my heart rate. The whole situation feels overwhelming and the pain shooting through my chest keeps stealing all of my air away. He hasn't asked about me at all, hasn't even mentioned my name. It's like he's forgotten that I exist at all.

"Best to stay away then, a lot of it isn't true but some of it is.. When it comes to Ash anyway, he's become such a mess, Lexi. Things have been going on with him and he won't talk to anybody. He looks tired all the time, he's been disappearing without telling anyone where he's been going.. I just don't know what's going on. I don't feel like he's handling all the stress well," Calum blurts out in a rush. I can tell he's frustrated and genuinely concerned, sure Calum and Ashton have had their differences, especially about me, but he does see him as a best friend. The tour has brought them closer Calum's admitted, it's been easier for them to get along when I'm not around, simply because Calum doesn't have to think about it all.

"Ashton's never been good at handling stress," I reply absently, fiddling with my shoe laces. The university court yard is empty surprisingly, my only company being an old burnt out cigarette and crow on a dead tree. It's depressing as fuck.

"Definitely not, it's like he's a totally different person. He won't talk to any of us yet when he's on stage, it's like he's himself again," Calum strums at his bass and it echos through the phone into my ear. I hold it back slightly, surprised by how loud it is.