Hidden

Distance

Alice POV:
I dismiss myself quickly going up to my room with a bottle of wine in my hand not bothering to get a glass. I would be the only one finishing it so it doesn't matter anyway. After a long swig of wine I look to my wardrobe pulling out an old album. I don't know what my thought process was, I guess I wanted to see myself back then. When it was simple. Well simpler.
When I only had myself to worry about an son the odd occasion Fp. Now I have a family, I need to look after them but I can barley look after myself. I've gotten myself into a cult for Christ sake. I turn the page and a small charm falls out. A cross of a necklace my mom gave me. Not much of a Christian herself but it was her grandma's who was a strict Christian so she passed it on to me. We went to church on holidays like Easter and Christmas but nothing serious but for some reason this felt like a sign. I'm not a holy woman. Far from it but right now a church felt like the right place to be so I kept the cross in my palm and headed to the nearest church to me. It was old and the door was usually open for independent praying so I let myself in and knelt down in one of the row and just sat there with my own thoughts. I felt stupid but I even asked God for guidance at one point. When the sun peaked through the stained glass windows I knew it must be morning and mass would start soon so I went back home. I rolled my eyes when I saw Eddie at the door waiting for me looking the angriest I had seen him.
"Alice where have you been, you were supposed to meet me first thing this morning" he takes my hand as I try and get past him. What Polly had said definitely put me off him and after my long session at the church I had come to the conclusion that I was cutting myself off from all this cult stuff.
"Eddie I have a life, I can't be at your beck and call every second of every day" I shoot in the most hostility I had used in weeks.
"You made a commitment Alice" he replies and I try pull my arm out of his grip so I can get into the house but he doesn't let go. I get the keys out my pocket and in the process be little cross I had been holding fell to the ground and he gives me the angriest look possible.
"Get off me" I tug harder but his grip is bruising now and I start to panic. PTSD from the Hal situation was still present and being treated roughly was not something that helped with that. It only made me freak out.
"I'm serious" I warn, "I'll scream"
He scoffs at me and releases my arm pushing me away roughly.
"Lets just go inside and talk" he hisses grabbing the keys off me.
"No" I practically scream. I could not let him near the kids. Not with this new side of him.
"The house is messy, let's go to pops" I suggest quickly wanting to go somewhere public where it was less likely he would hurt me.
He nods dismissively nodding towards the car and taking us to pops.

We sit down at a booth and he proceeds to rant on about his cult stuff while I hold back tears. It was happening again. Another controlling partner, I couldn't do it again. So when I see Fp walk in I let a glimmer of hope form inside me.
Maybe I knew he would be here subconsciously, that he never cooks and he and Jug get pops every night. I excuse myself to go to the bathroom earning a dirty look from Eddie and rush into the toilet making eye contact with Fp hoping he will notice the tears in my eyes. Like he always used to when we were younger or at town occasions and he would pull me aside and ask me int he most caring way of I was okay. Of course back then I was with Hal and I would dismiss him without a second thought but now I needed him to care more than ever.
So I pace around the women's toilets trying to keep it together for a while hoping he did and when I hear his signature knock on the door I let myself sigh in relief. I used to call him a dork for that knock, a weird tune he made up. It's used to annoy me but now it was music to my ears. I let him and let myself fall into his arms now trembling and definitely staining his grey t-shirt with tears.
He tightens his grip around me and holds me back to look at my face.
"What did he do al?" He asks cupping my face with his hands and forcing me to stare at him. My hands go over him holding them in place because he was making me feel better.
"How did you know?" I ask and she gives me a knowing look.
"I know you al" he reminds me wiping a tear from my cheek with his thumb.
"He wouldn't let go of my arm, it's nothing really but I'm scared he will do worse" I shrug removing my hands from his and touching where Eddie held onto me.
"It's not nothing let me see" he replies pulling my sleeve up and I see his jaw clench instantly.
"I swear to god I'm going to fucking kill that bastard" he holds back a shout and I pull him back begging him not to.
"Please don't, fp look at me" I beg him and he avoids my eyes for a second before obeying me.