everything is fine

veinticinco

sent at 6:02 am est

awsten k sent a message to gee w!

ak: i hope you don't mind me talking to you it's so goddamn early

ak: idk why i just need to vent to someone and you're like everyone's mom so here i am

ak: unless i'm being annoying and you want me to shut the fuck up lmao

gw: hey no go ahead, i'm listening

ak: ok

ak: i feel so shitty complaining about my life because i know for sure that other people have it worse

ak: ryan has an alcoholic dad and you're trans and everyone is going through so much shit and i have no right to say anything about myself

ak: my family loves me and i have friends and i should be happy but i'm really fucking not and i hate it so much

ak: it's so hard for me to function and i don't know why because i have no right to be complaining about my life

ak: i have it good compared to a lot of other people and i feel like i'm taking advantage of it by being a piece of shit and i hate it

ak: i've been up all night crying because i cant sleep and i don't want to think and i just want to feel better again and i don't know how

ak: i don't want to do anything anymore and i feel like i'm just being overdramatic and shit and it feels so fucking bad

gw: hey first off, just because other people have it worse doesn't mean that you're not struggling as well

ak: i know i just feel insignificant and attention whore-y whenever i talk because i'm not in deep enough trouble to deserve real help

gw: if you feel like shit, you should get help

gw: don't let it get to a point where it's as horrible as you think it should be

ak: i don't deserve it

gw: yeah you do

ak: i've been repressing it for months and i can keep doing it until it's gone for good

ak: i shouldn't have started this conversation i'm sorry

gw: you didn't do anything wrong

ak: i do everything wrong

ak: i'm going to wake up latwr on and pretend to be happy again and it'll be okay for everybody else

ak: i don't matter anyways

gw: awsten no

gw: you do matter and all your friends love you so much

ak: they prbabl y don't they just feel sorry for me because i suck

gw: that's not true, you don't suck

ak: yes i do

ak: nobody likes me and i'm alone

ak: and i hate everyone for hating me it's just a fuckign vicious cycle

gw: awsten.

gw: you're the best fucking person in the world and we all love you for being you

ak: i don't even have a personality just fucking sadness

ak: it's too hard to pretend that i'm ok but i gotta

ak: i hate everything

ak: you know what im sorry for being depressing and wasting your time

gw: you didn't waste my time :/

ak: h

ak: i'm gonna see if my parents have any melatonin i'm tired of being awake

ak: night

gw: it's 6 am but gn

gw: i really hope you get better

ak: ok

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i shouldn't publish this but whatever