Secrets Not Lies

Chapter Twenty-Seven - Out

My heart sunk at Chris' words, my gut twisting anxiously as I thought of what video he could've been talking about. I couldn't think of anything I'd filmed that I wouldn't want on the internet, so I racked my brain to find something.

"What video?" I finally asked after an extended amount of silence.

Chris seemed to hesitate as he struggled to find words to explain. "Do you remember when you came out to me and Pj?"

"Yeah," I answered, not catching on yet to what he was getting at.

"You did it during a scene... which we were filming," he explained slowly.

As soon as the words were said on the other end, everything clicked together in my head. I guess I'd assumed that they'd deleted the footage, but I supposed not.

"Someone uploaded it somewhere?" I questioned, feeling I was more distraught about it than I should've been.

"Yeah," he answered, "on YouTube."

I didn't know why my heart was racing in my chest or why my palms were growing sweaty. My mind was swirling with questions I didn't know if Chris could answer. How many people had seen it? What were people saying about it?

My mind traveled back to my previous conversation with Phil about keeping our relationship private. He'd mentioned all the homophobic people, which I hated to admit I'd seen on more than one occasion. There weren't as many as there wasn't, but still enough to see the video and find a reason to hate me because of it.

Coming out was also something personal and special, something which was up to me to do on my own accord. I'd thought about it, and I wanted to be comfortable on YouTube and with my subscribers before I came out officially to the world.

Some of the comments I'd seen on my newest video we're people who shipped me and Phil, lots of which curious if we were dating. I knew that if those many people saw the video, they were bound to consider it as proof me and Phil really were in a relationship.

I supposed it wasn't necessarily a bad thing, but Phil seemed pretty intent on keeping our personal life—relationship included—private. It was going to be more difficult to cover up our relationship with that video leaked.

"Dan?" Chris asked, tone laced with concern. He must've taken my silence as a bad sign. "You still there?"

"Yeah," I croaked, my voice coming out rasped with worry. All I could think about was breaking the news to Phil. I was sure he wouldn't be impressed.

"Are you okay?" he asked tentatively.

I hesitated. "I guess."

"I'm trying to get it taken down for copyright since the footage technically belongs to me," he explained.

Although I supposed his words made me feel slightly better, his tone showed he was clearly unsure if he was actually going to be able to get it removed.

"Thanks," was all I could manage.

"Should I leave you to tell Phil now?" he asked.

I nodded before remembering he couldn't see me. I didn't really want to speak though.

"Yeah," I replied, "bye."

I hung up before he could answer, stuffing my phone into the pocket of my sweatpants. I stood there, burying my face in my hands. A part of me wanted to see the video, but I knew it was only going to make me more upset about the whole thing.

First, though, I had to tell Phil.

I wandered to the kitchen as slowly as possible, wanting to buy myself time to come up with a way to explain what had happened.