Irreplaceable

15

...

'Hey Nathan, I was thinking about that time at the swing sets when we were eleven. You remember when you told me I was going to fall and I laughed and asked to go higher? You were right. Falling hurts but I had so much fun. Can't we go back? How do I make it up to you if you won't talk to me?'

...

'Hey Nathan, I fucked up. I am so sorry. I miss my buddy. I went to the diner last night and I ordered way too much food. I was going to give some to you, but then I realised you weren't there. I haven't seen you at the shop lately either. Please talk to me? I need to fix this.'

...

'Hey Nathan, I know I am an asshole but I really miss you. I am sorry I'm such a bad friend. Can you give me a chance to be better? I really don't want to lose you. Um, our end of the summer family barbeque is this Saturday if you want to come. I understand if you don't. Sorry.'

...

He wasn't coming. I gave up looking at the gate every time someone came though at about five in the afternoon. My mom asked me about a dozen times if I was okay and my dad gave me hug when I went to get my burger. Mark was shooting me looks as he talked to my Aunt Emily. I guessed my mom must have told everyone about our fight.

"Heya big fella." Aunt Em said in that voice, you know the one, like 'tell me everything or I'm giving you a noogie in front of everyone' tone of voice.

"Hey." I was not in the mood to talk. She put an arm around me and pulled me in tight.

"You might as well talk to me because I am not going anywhere until you do." She grinned evilly at me. I rolled my eyes.

"There's nothing to talk about. Nate and I had a fight. Case closed." I muttered. She shook her head.

"Nope. There has got to be more to it. Come on. Details. Now." She gave me a glare and I gulped. This was not how I wanted to spend my evening. She shook me a bit and I saw my brother point a finger at her threateningly. I grinned.

I told her everything. What the heck right? But I thought maybe a new perspective was what I really needed. So I told her about my ditching him for Greg all the time. I told her about my plan to find my 'Mark' over the summer at work. I told her about Derek the Douche and the last stand at the mall.

I told her how I tried to apologise. I even showed her the texts. She sucked her teeth as she read them over and glanced over at me a few times. She seemed to be taking a long time going over everything, but then I realised she was just staring at me.

"What? Did I miss something?" I asked frankly. She sucked in a breath.

"Oh honey. Yeah. You missed something. I think you need to figure it out on your own though. Hang out with some of your other friends for a bit and then maybe we will have this talk again. Okay?" She patted my arm sympathetically and left me sitting there in more confusion that when she had arrived.

Maybe she was right. I could hang out with some other friends from school and think about things. That might be good for both of us.

*

Back to school was a double edged sword. On the one hand it was the start of the hell that was learning, on the other hand it was the start of my senior year... without my best friend. I did what Aunt Emily suggested and tried to hang around my other friends instead. It was okay I guess. Not the same though.

I think the others were kind of shocked that Nate and I weren't hanging out together anymore. I caught sight of him walking with Shanta during class switch and I had to look away. It made my chest hurt to see them laughing and talking so easily. That should be me. We had always walked the halls between classes together.

It was kind of driving me crazy. We didn't have any classes together. I had to go to tutoring on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I had practises on Wednesdays and Fridays. Dan had me in on Saturdays and Sundays to help at the shop. He said it was because the new apprentice was slow, but I think he just liked me because I thought the new guy was alright.

I should have been too busy to worry about Nate. I should not have time to even breath, let alone miss him. But I did. I missed texting him during class when I should have been paying attention. I missed talking to him at lunch instead of eating my food. I missed seeing his face, so much I didn't even realise. I couldn't even sleep well at night.

I stopped looking in the mirror in the morning because I knew I looked like poop. I threw on my clothes, brushed my hair, went to classes, went to after school activities, went home to do homework and eat, and tried to sleep. It was becoming a blur. I was forgetting what day it was unless I checked off days on my calendar.

Midterms went by and I was passing everything... except English. I wanted to tear out my hair. The teacher and the tutor made no sense. I still couldn't seem to write a damn essay. Why the heck were they still trying to make me? Give me something, anything else to do, and I would do it. My notes were a mess. My desk was like a tornado went off on it.

I missed Nate. I hadn't realised I relied on him so much to help me with my homework too. I had used him. Now he was gone and it was everything I could do to keep from falling apart. I cried, but it wasn't for myself. I had no pity left for me. It was for him. He had put up with so much over the years and what had I given him?

Nothing.

A/N What do you think of Brad's apologies? Good enough? Should Nate go back to him and talk?

Or does Brad need a little more time to figure things out?