Irreplaceable

18

"Hey Brad buddy. What are you doing here?" I looked up from the ground as I walked out the door to the studio and there was my brother's husband, Mark. I felt a little guilty because technically I had been talking to Greg about him behind his back.

"Hey Mark. I was just talking to Greg. He is busy though; he's working on that new commission." I was pouting a bit. I knew it. He knew it.

"Damn. I was hoping to catch him for lunch. Do you... want to join me instead?" He raised a brow at me and I nodded after a second. I didn't really want to be alone anyways.

"Can we go somewhere new?" I asked hesitantly. Truth was I didn't want to go to any of our usual places for two reasons. Both of them had to do with Nate. One, I didn't want to accidentally run into him. Two, I didn't want to spend the whole time thinking about him.

"Sure. I know a little cheap Chinese place that your folks don't really like to go to. They have really good fried rice. Okay?" He said with a grin. I nodded and followed him out to his car. Instead of trying to hold a conversation on the way there I turned up the radio and sang along badly to all the songs. By the time we arrived, Mark was looking a little pained.

"Wow. This place is really...." I made a face before we went in the door. Mark shushed me.

"It tastes better than it looks. Give it a chance." He tried convincing me. I was too busy staring at the giant gold statue of Budda in the middle of the room. It was bad. Like floppy ears, giant double chin, squinting eyes bad. I was trying not to laugh.

"Holy. This is really cheap. Can I get two things?" I said as I stared at the menu. He gave me a look.

"Only if you share." He replied. I grinned.

"I thought you meant cheap as in bad, not cheap as in cheap." I said like a genius. He laughed at me.

"It just doesn't have fancy ambience or whatever. The food is good, I swear." Was his come back. We ordered our food and when it came out I had to admit it smelled good.

"Wow. Okay I think this is a classic 'don't judge a book' situation right there." I said around a mouthful of food. Mark cringed at me. The fried rice really was fantastic.

"Jesus, finish a bite before you accidentally spit it all over me." He snapped as he watched me scarf my food. "Maybe breathe between bites while you are at it."

"Did you know Greg didn't know he was in love with you?" I said randomly. Mark raised a brow and finished his bite before saying anything.

"Oh? You were talking to Greg about us? What for?" He muttered over his noodles. I shrugged.

"I dunno. I wasn't really talking to him about you two specifically. I just asked him about how he knew." I replied. Mark looked confused.

"How he knew what?" He shot back confused.

"You know. That he was in love." I slurped a big piece of steaming pepper into my mouth and chewed around it as it cooled in my mouth. It was messy, but delicious.

"And he didn't know? Yeah, not everybody does. Sometimes people who have said the words don't even know for sure. They get thrown around a lot for different reasons." Mark told me. He sounded like he had lots of experience with that. Come to think of his history, he probably did.

"So, how did you know then?" I asked him curiously. I saw his face turn a little red and he hesitated. "Sorry. Was that too personal?"

"No. It's okay. It is a fair question." He stirred his noodles around on his plate and then looked up at me seriously. "I knew when everything I thought I knew about myself was wrong. I knew when I couldn't stop thinking about him or wanting to be around him. I knew when... when I was willing to give up everything just to kiss him."

I sucked in a breath. That was some seriously deep shit there. I let the silence hang between us and we quietly munched away at our food. Mark looked really thoughtful as he ate. After I was stuffed beyond anything I had ever eaten before, he finally spoke up.

"Is this about your friend Nathan?" He asked cautiously. I cleared my throat and looked down at my napkin as I tore it to shreds.

"Sort of." I admitted. I peeked up at the knowing expression on his face. "It's not what you think."

"Really?" He drawled. "Tell me then, how is it?"

"Okay so I just figured out that he liked me." I shot him a nasty look when his face turned incredulous. "Shut up. I know I am stupid, you don't have to rub it in."

"Sorry, sorry." He raised his hands up and grinned.

"So I was talking to Aunt Emily..." I continued. He snorted.

"Oh god no. Don't read anything she gives you. DO you hear me?" He interjected. I shook my head confused at the insistence in his voice.

"What? Yeah sure, whatever. Quit interrupting. Anyways, she said that I have to figure out how I feel about Nathan before I do anything to fix our friendship so I don't lead him on or something."

"Oh wow. That is probably the smartest thing I have ever heard her say." He cut in. I glared at him and pointed a finger at him.

"I swear to god I will tell her you said that." I muttered. He looked a little sick and made a motion like he was buttoning his lip up. I almost laughed at that. "So that is what I am trying to do. I am trying to figure out how I feel. I mean, if I like him like that then... well, I don't know what then but I have to know before I go and talk to him and try to get him back." He sat staring at me and I motioned for him to talk.

"So you want him back? Even knowing he has the hots for you?" He asked. I got mad suddenly.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean? You are gay so there is no way you can be a homophobe." I accused him.

"First off, that is completely untrue. Gay people can be the worst homophobes, just to note. Secondly, I am not being a homophobe. I am just asking if you are sure you want to hang around with someone who wants in your pants?" He said rather reasonably.

"He doesn't just 'want in my pants' Mark. He cares about me. He was always taking care of me and I miss being able to just talk to him. I miss him." I was still sounding testy as I replied and the smirk the guy across from me was wearing was not helping any.

"Okay. My mistake. I just didn't think you two had a lot in common." He said in a strange tone of voice.

"We don't have to have a lot in common. He understands me. Plus, there is stuff we both like. How the heck do you think we spent all that time together without going batshit crazy, huh?" I railed at him. He calmly sat and let me go on. "We like the same video games and movies. We both like going for walks and... and drives sometimes. We can talk about anything."

He was full out smiling now and it was making me mad. I got up and stormed out of the restaurant, not even sure why I was mad really. I paced by his car and all I could think about was how wrong everyone was about us. We were perfectly good together. There was nothing strange about Nathan and I being friends. Dammit who made the rules on friendship!

"Are you okay Bradly?" Mark was looking worried when he approached and I waved him off.

"I'm fine. I think I need to go for a walk." I said stiffly. He watched me storm off down the street and I didn't even glance back once before I turned to go around the corner. Dammit, I still spent the whole time thinking about him.