Irreplaceable

29

"Did you hear anything yet?" I looked over at Luke, wondering what they were talking about. It was one of those rare evenings that we had all managed to go out to the movies, both sets of friends that is. We took up a good section of the theatre with all the people, and sat in a clump over about three rows.

Luke was sitting below us to the left. I think he was talking to Shanta and her girlfriend, Melinda? No that wasn't right. Dang it, I really needed to work on my memory. The conversation made me think about the upcoming decision that Nathan was going to have to make. The clock was ticking on that offer, and I knew he needed to chose soon.

"Any more emails?" I flicked my eyes to the handsome boy on my left and took a handful of popcorn. He looked at me and shook his head.

"Nope. You'll be the first to know. I promise." He said with a smile. I smiled back and vaguely listened in on the conversations around us. Our friends didn't hang out a whole lot, but they got along alright when they did. Maybe it was for Nate and my sakes, or maybe it was because all of his friends were super smart and mature. For teenagers.

I munched on my nachos and stole more of Nate's popcorn during the movie. When I ran out of cheese I complained about the fact that they never give you enough cheese to chips ratio. Nathan didn't even complain that I was talking during the movie. That folks, is true love right there. I froze in my seat at the sudden thought.

Did... did I just...? My eyes didn't even see the movie anymore. My insides were screaming, or melting, or suffocating me. I had to concentrate on my breathing. What the hell had I been thinking? I took a deep breath with a cautious flick of my glance to Nathan sitting beside me. Had he noticed anything odd?

I didn't think so. The more I sat and thought about it though, the more obvious it was to me. I loved him. Not liked him, but really loved him. He was my friend, sure. People thought of us as weird opposite brothers, but that wasn't how I loved him. Not exactly. In a way it was, because I couldn't see him not a part of my life. My whole life.

It was more than that though. I wanted to share everything with him. I wanted to be the first he told anything to, and him be the first I told anything to. I needed to be there when he graduated. I couldn't imagine living our lives without each other. Before it was just as friends, like you get an apartment and whatnot.

Now I wanted to cuddle up on the couch in his arms. I wanted to snuggle into the blankets on the bed and hear his breathing to fall asleep. I wanted to hold his hand, like we were doing right at this moment in the dark theatre. I squeezed the warm palm and smiled when he squeezed back.

I wanted these unspoken moments. When even surrounded by people, we were together in our own world. I blinked at the warmth that was flooding my chest and brain with the thoughts that tumbled in there. It sort of felt like déjà vu as I looked over at his smiling profile with a heady feeling. I smiled to myself. He glanced over.

"Are you alright?" He asked in a whisper as he leaned towards me. I leaned to his ear and replied.

"Yeah I'm fine. You want to go for a walk after this?" I bit my lip and glanced at his eyes. They were curious but warm with feeling.

"Sure. If you like." He whispered back. I nodded and we both sat back like nothing had happened. I caught sight of Shanta wrapping her arm around her girlfriend as the girl rested her head on her shoulder. Mike passed some popcorn to Chris absentmindedly. Chelsea was yawning. Luke laughed at something on the screen.

It was all so normal. It was kind of sad now that I thought about it. All these people were going their separate ways soon. After exams were over, most of them probably wouldn't keep in touch over the summer because we were getting jobs or going away to school. We were leaving this all behind on our path to becoming adults.

When did I get so serious about it all? It felt like the feeling just snuck up on me. Maybe it was having to work so hard for my English marks. Perhaps it was being so busy that I didn't have a moment to think to myself most weeks. Or it could be the boy that sat right next to me, thinking about the future himself so seriously.

I sighed to myself. Who was I kidding. It was when I started thinking that my future may or may not include him. I wanted it to. So desperately I wanted that. I couldn't ask him not to go away for school. How could I be so selfish to ask him to give up the best education just for a dumbass like me? I wouldn't. That wouldn't be fair.

The movie came to an end and I had to hold back my sigh of relief. I just wanted to be alone with him. Not that I didn't enjoy hanging out with my friends anymore, but I wanted to soak up every second with him. I would have to go home eventually and sleep in my own bed, but every night I couldn't wait until I saw him again.

Ah! A sudden thought. I felt jittery. Giddy inside my skin. I was smiling as I pulled him out to the car. I held his hand as he asked me how I liked the movie and we waved goodbye to our friends. I couldn't stop looking across the low light of the interior as we drove back to our neighbourhood. He parked in my driveway.

"Come on. Let's go for that walk." I insisted. He looked down at his phone for the time and shrugged.

"Alright. Hold on, I got something." He scrunched his eyebrows together and swiped at his phone for a few seconds. His mouth dropped open. "I... I got another one."

"Wow. How many is that now? Four?" I was smiling at him still. This boy was sure something else.

"Five. This is the closest to home though. Only six hours from here." His face looked thoughtful. I undid my seatbelt and got out of the car. I went around and pulled open the driver's side door. He looked up at me with a grin.

"Come on! You said you'd walk with me." I pulled on his arm and he laughed as he got out. With the door shut and the car locked, we went down the drive to the sidewalk. I took a deep breath of the cool evening air and stuck one hand in my pocket. The other grasped onto his firmly.

"You seem pretty relaxed." Nathan commented as we strolled down the street. I chuckled.

"Why wouldn't I be? I'm not the one with the big decision to make. I already know what I am going to do. I talked to Dan already about working through the summer and my application for the college program is all set to go." I swung our hands gently and glanced over to him without a flicker of doubt.

"You were tense at the movie theatre. I thought something was wrong." He admitted as he watched me carefully. I shrugged.

"No, nothing was wrong. I just realised how much I love you." I replied casually, as though we were talking about the weather. Meanwhile my heart felt like a steel drum pounding out of my chest at the admission. Nathan stopped dead, holding me back from entering the park. I turned to look at him.

His face was unreadable. I couldn't see what he chose not to say, kept hidden in those shadowed blue eyes. I realised I was trembling, and not from the cold. It was purely from nerves. The silence was dragging on too long. He pulled me forward into his arms and hugged me tightly against him. He was stroking my hair.

"I love you too, Bradley." His voice was strong and sure when he answered me back. I hit him. He yelped at me, rubbing the spot I had punched him in the ribs as he moved back a little.

"Next time don't leave a boy hanging, you asshole." I growled at him. He was laughing, the bastard. I took a step towards him and he sidled away, trying to avoid me now. I growled at him again and he ran off into the park. I chased him over to the swings and might have tackled him if I was strong enough.

"Alright, I'm sorry. I'm sorry Bradly. You just surprised me." He hugged me again fiercely and nuzzled into my neck. Damn distracting fucker. I hated how he could just melt my anger and frustration in an instant. He kissed me again and I wrapped my arms around his shoulders to drag him down to my level.

"I love you." I said it again as we pulled apart. He was smiling and pressed his forehead against mine.

"Where do you think I should go to school?" He asked me after a minute. I stared up at him. Part of me wanted to say 'here' so he wouldn't leave me. Another part of me though wanted him to have the best and be happy.

"Ithink you should go to..."

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