The Sky's the Limit

|Twenty-One|

Nicole

*****

I woke up in a cold sweat, and started having a panic attack. That letter from my grandfather, was too much to believe. I clutched the rim of my pajama top, staring blankly in my dark room. I imagined him writing that letter in his own penmanship. What pain of heart he must have had, knowing that he wouldn't be around to see me read his words.

I can imagine his emotions flooding his eyes until they were bleary, as he pictured my reaction to this news.

My grandparents must have had a heavy heart finding out about me, when I was ten years old. The sheer shock of the knowledge of my existence coming from, June. That woman is despicable, and my father allows himself to be manipulated by her. Why?

I thought he loved my mother, but apparently those feelings all died with her, once she was gone. It didn't extend to me—his own daughter. He never even told his mother and father about me. Tears stung my eyes, with that realization.

I longed for my father, once I knew that my mama was gone. At least I still had the possibility of a living parent. Every girl wants to be daddy's little girl. I needed him when I fell off of my bike, after my uncle James taught me to ride. I was so proud.

Flashback...

I had a purple bike, with a white seat and vivid colorful flowers on the seat of my bike. I had streamers coming out of the white handles at the end of the handle bars. And a beautiful white basket adorned the front, as well. Uncle James had taken off my training wheels. He let me ride down the street. He held onto the back of the bike, and ran alongside as I pedaled.

"Don't let go, Uncle James." I stated, worried that I would fall if he let go. I was anxious.

"I won't let go, Nicole. You just keep pedaling." He assured me.

For some reason, I knew that Uncle James had let go. "I'm riding my bike, by myself?" It was an exhilarating feeling.

I did okay at first, then I fell once I lost my confidence. I fell and got all scraped up. My knee had a huge gaping wound that was bleeding everywhere.

Auntie Maxine, ran out of the house. "James, how could you let her fall?" She cradled me, as I cried big tears. It hurt!

My uncle put my bike away, as my aunt carried me in the house and took care of my cuts. She cleaned my bruises with peroxide and antibacterial medicine. She put bandaids on my cuts, which instantly made everything feel better. Band Aids were a cure in and of themselves.

I remember then, wishing my daddy was there to take the hurt away. But that never happened.

End of Flashback. . .

Every class play, concert, award ceremonies, and graduation. . . I felt empty. I would sit and observe my classmates, with their mama and daddy there to cheer on their accomplishments. It's not something that I discussed with my aunt and uncle. I didn't want them to think they weren't enough, or feel they didn't do a good job raising me.

The deep loneliness I felt, seeped into my aching heart.

There is nothing like having your parents, and knowing where you come from. Who do I look like? Did I inherit any of his personality, his way of speaking, or his talents? What's his favorite color or food? What are my father's relatives like?

These are all the questions that I kept hidden in my mind and heart. I kept a journal with a lock on it, and would write about my dad every night, before going to bed. I knew that when I was old enough, I would search for him.

I'd rather keep the dream now, than to live with the reality of him. I felt empty and cold, once I knew that he gave me away. He never once thought about me. He moved on with his new wife and daughter.

Knowing that my grandmother and grandfather loved me, and thought I was beautiful, was like a shining beacon in the darkness.

Their love was like a soothing balm, for my aching wounds. It's nothing that any pen to paper could describe. It was something that I felt like I could reach out and touch, as if it were tangible. I felt at peace, like never before.

I felt acceptance and I felt closure. My grandpa's letter was a gift, that I never expected and will treasure for the rest of my life. He and Mimi gave me what I had been searching for since I was a little girl.

I was lying in bed, processing with my mind all of the events that led to this day. I remembered the good, the bad, and the ugly days of my youth. I remembered high school, and how difficult it was for me to fit in. I definitely wasn't one of the cool kids.

I wish I could find that beautiful boy, with those striking blue eyes, who came to my rescue that day after school. Every time I look at Skyler, for some reason he reminds me of him. It must be his captivating eyes.

My phone buzzed, startling me. "Skyler, is everything okay? It's 3 o'clock in the morning," I whisper yelled into the phone.

"I'm sorry, I didn't want to wake you. I wasn't able to sleep. I need to ask you a question." He had my attention instantly.

"I didn't mean to sound scolding, I'm sorry. I was actually awake, thinking about my grandfather's letter. What did you want to ask me?" I was eager to know what was weighing on his mind. I sat up in my bed in anticipation.

"This is going to sound silly, but do you currently wear glasses? I've never seen you with them on. But there is a picture of you at your aunt's house wearing glasses." He sounded like my answer meant everything to him. It was strange.

"I wear contact lenses most of the time. I do wear my glasses sometimes. But never around you. I hope that answered your question." My heart started pounding, wondering why that answer was so important.

"Thank you, that does answer my question." He stated with a contented sound to his baritone voice. But did not elaborate, or even hint at why he asked.

"I'm happy to be of service. I look forward to seeing you in a couple of weeks. I know you can't make it in time for the reading of the will. I would appreciate you being here with me." I honestly needed his presence.

It felt like it had been a lifetime since I had seen him, and that unforgettable kiss that we shared.

He swallowed. "Who knew the lawyer was going to change the date? I miss you, ya know?" He sounded so different, and I ached to be near him.

"I'm glad to hear that! I miss you too." I can't believe I'm flirting with Skyler, at three in the morning. My stomach started rumbling, and I remembered that I didn't eat dinner.

"I'll talk to you soon. Try to go back to sleep." He had a suave, soothing tone to his words.

"You too," I replied softly.

We both didn't want to hang up the phone. There was silence that hung between us. Then finally we agreed, we had better say goodnight. Something was changing in our relationship dynamic. . . Why did he want to know if I wore glasses?

*****

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