Lavender

Chapter Seventeen

 The next night, I watch Cammie try on different outfits that don't work very well covering her legs or cleavage. She's going out to yet another party. On a Sunday. I get that there is a party every weekend, but who parties and gets wasted the day before the week starts? I already experienced her hungover state and I am not excited to hold her hair back as she vomits in a bucket. Nor am I in the mood to get dressed up and face Holden. I haven't seen him all day, but he won't leave my thoughts. I keep thinking about all the times he's kissed me, and I get all flustered, heart pounding until I stop the wicked train of thought. And if I go and see him tonight, which would be inevitable since it is his house, I have no faith I won't lose myself and fall into his clutches again. It's safer if I stay in and mind my own business.

"Come on, Lavender. We won't stay past two o'clock. Staying in and reading will surely make you lose your mind. Come with us and have some fun. You're only eighteen for so long. Before you know it, you'll be old and saggy and regret not going to parties and enjoying yourself," Cammie rants while teasing her fingers through her short hair. She cut three inches off her shoulder-length hair which gives her an edgy look, but she makes it look good.

I laugh and push my reading glasses up my nose. I'm in the middle of re-reading Pride and Prejudice and making another bunch of annotations I haven't in the previous years I've read the amazing novel. If only she knew reading and getting lost in the world the author created was ten times more entertaining than drinking cheap beer and being groped by a drunk frat boy. I honestly feel sorry for her and all the people going to the party.

"Don't worry about me, Cam. I'm enjoying myself plenty." I raise the book falling apart with love.

"What will make you come with us?" Daphne asks. Unlike her girlfriend whose wearing short black shorts and a black blouse with a low neckline, she's wearing an off-the-shoulder top and dark jeans and thigh-high boots.

"A personal library and a trip to the Bahamas," I say, humoring her.

"We can go to the Bahamas for spring break. I hear the parties then are awesome. But you'll have to settle for the library a few minutes away from the university," Cammie says, and I laugh.

After going back and forth, pleading and pouting for me to join them, they eventually give up on me and wish me goodnight before leaving.

I read for an hour, finishing my annotations, prepared for this week's discussion on the book, and move to my study desk to write. I have a little inspiration to keep going, and I have to take advantage of it before it fades away, and I'm left with more writer's block. I finish the chapter that's been giving me difficulties for the last week but get stuck writing the beginning of the next one. My mind keeps drifting to Holden and how sure I was he was going to tell Wyatt about our kissing. My heart was beating so fast, I was surprised it didn't fall out of my chest. I hate the way he looked so smug after he told him something else. How in control of my biggest secret he was, and how much he loved it. Is that why he kissed me at all? So he could have control over my relationship with Wyatt? Is this some sort of sick game? Does he do it with other girls? If so, he is the biggest monster I know, the first being Mr. Darcy. I don't mean to make comparisons, but him and Mr. Darcy are both arrogant and rude and not deserving of who they end up with. Not that I am saying I will end up with Holden. That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever thought. It actually makes me laugh.

Thinking of Wyatt and I's date causes the gut-wrenching feeling of guilt to rush through me. From dinner to walking along the romantically lit boardwalk all the way to making out with him in his car, Holden was on my mind. I could not stop thinking about him, and it's so frustrating because he means nothing to me. He's a distraction and I put my focus on anything else that isn't him. I begin to dial Wyatt but hang up, remembering him telling me he's going to the gym tonight with his friends. It's times like this when I wish he still lived next door to me. I would climb into his basement and watch Fifty First Dates despite him hating it and other rom-coms. But now I'm stuck thinking about a boy who doesn't even care about me and won't get out of my head.